Only a dozen times? She must not be as passionate as AnG. <sarc>

What you should do is go out to a fancy dinner, wear a suit, get down on one knee and open a tiny box that contains a note that says: "I'm sorry. Kenny is not coming back."

Way back when dinosaurs roamed the earth I was watching the Lakers-Bucks NBA Championship Series when my future ex-wife asked me, "who's that guy playing for the Bucks"  

"Kareem Abdul-Jabar" I said.  

She said, "boy he's really good.  If they ever get that Alcindor guy back they're gonna be real tough."

"Well, darlin', let's say your boss asks you to work in England for a few months. While you're gone, I quietly start seeing my high school sweetheart again on the condition that the relationship ends as soon as you come back. You come home as scheduled, but when you come up to my apartment for the first time, you find the door ajar. You step inside, and on the kitchen floor is a pair of torn fishnet stockings, and those designer jeans you bought me last Christmas thrown over a pair of knee-high leather boots. By the light of a few scented candles, you see a half-empty bottle of wine and two glasses on the counter, and you can hear the shower running . . ."

You can probably take it from there. Be sure to touch on Dellucci's comparative youth and power.

How about this:

You know, everybody was really excited to see Kenny back, but he actually was pretty terrible if you really look at it.

Kenny was here for two whole months, and he only stole two bases, and he got caught three times, and he didn't hit even one measly home run.  Back in the day, Kenny would steal 60 and hit maybe 10-15 HR.

So he's just not the old Kenny anymroe.  He may sometimes remind us of the old Kenny, but he actually kind of sucks now, six days out of seven.  But give the guy a break, he's 41!

I don't think I can help you. Thinking about Lofton brought up memories of me and my friends dancing in the streets of Little Italy this summer after getting a call that we'd traded for Lofton. We were on our way to the game that night, where we saw the Kenny Lofton Debut v3.0.

So here's my counter-argument: we have to let him walk so he can come back. Infallible.

Tell her there's a chance we're interested in bringing Omar back for 2008 and transitioning him to our infield coach for 2009 and beyond.  Yep, that should do it.

.... choose not care about this argument or date someone who actually understands the game little more? :)

I don't know man, the way your girlfriend put, it makes me wonder why we are keeping that loser and not lofton.

Just tell her we need to save room for Jason Bay.

We're NOT re-signing Kenny?!  (sniff).

Btw, has anyone yet developed a VORP stat for girlfriends/wives?  Did I say that out loud?

Tell her if Kenny doesn't move around this season he has to give back some of the money he made on those DHL commercials.

I've found with the people that don't actually want to understand, be as brief as possible.  "No, we're not bringing him back, because that's what the paper said" and try not to go into detail.  With a girlfriend who (we assume) will be around for a while and seems to actually want an answer, that doesn't really work.  Your reasoning was pretty spot on.  She'll just have to soak that in.

When I told my girlfriend that Kenny Lofton was coming back, I remarked that he's really not the Kenny of old.  She pointed out that he can still take a walk, which is important, right?  She's a good egg.

"I hate to break it to you, but Kenny Lofton won't be coming back next season"

"oh, ok.  Tom Brady is so cute..."

"..."

Could be worse, when I was in Ashtabula over Christmas, my father in law was talking about what we needed was to get a stud pitcher like Pettite and we'd be good.

No real tips on explaning the Lofton thing to the missus, I find that if she wants to understand it she'll ask, otherwise she's probably not that interested.

If performing poorly while injured makes one a loser, my wife should leave me immediately.

You have to make her think it's not the worst thing that could happen.  Like this:

"You know the cat that you love so much, Snowball?  Well, when I came over, the front door was open a little bit.  I saw Snowball run out of the house.  He ran into the street and sat in the middle of the road.  Just then, a garbage truck and a school bus were speeding down the road in opposite directions.  They both jammed on their brakes to try to stop.  The sound of the vechicles skiding echoed down the street.  And then I walked over to see what happened.  I discovered that ... the Indians are probably not going to re-sign Lofton this year, but your cat is OK.  So do you want to go out for dinner or something?"

I think one of the bigger things going on here is the irrational Kenny-love that Clevelanders have.  I'm not sure if this made it on TV, but I was at ALDS Game 2 last year (right after the LeBron Yankees hat fiasco) and saw fans holding up a series of signs that said "Sorry LeBron, Kenny is the King".  

I think for a lot of casual fans, last year's stretch run/playoff success is going to be associated in their minds to the return of Kenny.  When they realize he's gone, they're going to be pissed -- especially if (god forbid) the Indians start off the season losing.  And unfortunately, these are people that pay the bills.

After I had this conversation with my girlfriend, I tried to figure out if the intense fan interest would be an economic justification for playing Kenny.  If the mere presence of Kenny is enough to draw an extra 1,000 people to the park, and these people spend an average of $30 on tickets/concessions/souvenirs, you'd have:

1,000 * $30 * 80 = $2.4 million

Probably not enough to pay Kenny's salary.  But a fun exercise to think about.

Sorry to hijack yet another diary, but again this is a comment unworthy of its own. (Which reminds me, is there any way we can have a diary that is always solely dedicated to random discussions that aren't worthy of their own diary? Just an idea I've been mulling for a while.)

I mentioned a Winter Haven get together a while back...I know IndyDave and SpringTrainingFun are headed down there around the 22nd, but is anyone heading down a bit earlier? I believe I'll be there from the 11th until the 15th (with a Lakeland game on the 12th) and in Daytona for a few days to enjoy the beach. Let me know if any are interested in an LGT get-together.

Finally, this is a perfect example of the LGT diaries we've all come to expect from ourselves.  Well done all.