A Vintage Bottle of Suck: Intentional Over-Reactions

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:23 AM EDT Comment 177 comments

Brought to you by Mountains of Change Vineyards...

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this tradition...ish LGT event, we express our frustration in difficult times by announcing what we'd do if we could corporeally inhabit Mark Shapiro for a day, in the sincere hopes that we'll undergo catharsis and be back to our gritty selves when our luck turns. Rampant text formatting and unbridled bombast are encouraged, but there is only one rule: No good Ideas.

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call up weglarz

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:26 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

make fausto the closer again

by mpstable on Apr 8, 2008 1:27 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

I agree, we should have stuck a fake beard on him an trotted him out for the ninth.

by cclemens31 on Apr 8, 2008 1:35 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

trade laffey sowers and miller to ESPN for eduardo perez

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:28 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Anybody know what happened to the DH C.C. plans? I think I left some behind the lasagna...

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:28 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Sign Keith Foulke.

by cclemens31 on Apr 8, 2008 1:29 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Chuck Norris being Shap and JoBo the dog.

by cclemens31 on Apr 8, 2008 1:29 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs

FIRE MOONDOG?

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:31 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

does this count as a game thread?

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:31 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

FIRE EVERYONE EXCEPT VICTOR MARTINEZ AND JAMIE CARROLL. REPLACE ALL PERSONNEL IMMEDIATELY WITH OUTSOURCED HELP FROM BOMBAY FOR $2 BUCKS AN HOUR.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:30 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

ALRIGHT, WE CAN KEEP FAUSTO TOO. I GUESS.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:31 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

trade both michaels and dellucci for low level prospects, let ben fran start everyday, and call up elarton for yet another reliever

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:30 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

also hire marte

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:31 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

NO GOOD IDEAS.

by gte619n on Apr 8, 2008 8:06 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

trade borowski for my grandmother

by superdav on Apr 8, 2008 1:31 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

That's the spirit.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:32 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

... hell, for my brother's husky.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:32 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

since we're on a roll here, replace gatorade with PBR in the dugout

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:32 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

how about HGH?

by sillystraw on Apr 10, 2008 1:40 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Make Dellucci hit from the right, Michaels from the left.

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 1:33 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

oh now this is good

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:33 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Then, bat them against like-handed pitchers.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:58 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Bring back Wickman -- as a setup man for Borowski.

by randallhank on Apr 8, 2008 1:33 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Change Pronkville to Carrollburg.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:33 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

start signing guys named Dana and Torii

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:34 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Start Carroll at 3B from now on.

DFA Shoppach just to "send a message."

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 1:34 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

trade hafner for einar diaz

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:35 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Oh now that is good.

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 1:36 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

force casey to shave

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:35 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

force wedge to grow back the mustache.

God truly does hate cleveland sports.

by Gradysmanldy on Apr 8, 2008 12:08 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I'd like to see what Carroll can do on the bump. For every pitch, have Victor roll him the ball off the mound. Then he can run up the mound, touch the rubber, pivot, and deliver.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:35 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

More bunts!

Bases empty bunts!

Bases loaded bunts!

Bunts with a five-run lead!

Bunts with a five-run deficit!

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 1:36 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Move C.C. to long relief.

(Oh wait, have to turn off radio. It's tinfoil hat time).

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:36 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Trade for Andrew Brown and flip him for Milton Bradley!

by Pronktastic on Apr 8, 2008 1:37 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Hire Vlad.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:37 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Get the guy with the most RBI, pay whatever it takes.

And get Erstad, too.

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 1:38 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

actually i wouldn't mind xavier nady on this team

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:39 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Make JoBo carry the torch the rest of the way to Beijing!

by pandroid on Apr 8, 2008 1:38 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs

Great idea! Maybe he can go back to Paris to run the sections that were skipped...

Spidey

by Spidey on Apr 8, 2008 10:51 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

New team president: Steve Phillips.

Keith Woolner's new boss: Joe Morgan.

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 1:39 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

oh now jay you are going too far. i'm outraged.

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:39 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I just threw up a little.

God truly does hate cleveland sports.

by Gradysmanldy on Apr 8, 2008 12:09 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

New radio voice of the Cleveland Indians: Hawk Harrelson.

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 2:11 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Flip Byrd, Blake, Sabathia, and Westbrook. Announce a "rebuild and contend" strategy.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:39 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Go to a 2 man rotation of Fausto and Westbrook... play 5 infielders

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:39 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

this is actually a feasible idea

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:40 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

well besides the two man rotation part

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:40 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I heard Grady plays a mean "Rover".

by cclemens31 on Apr 8, 2008 1:40 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

nah grady and gutz will be in the OF

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:41 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

and petition the league office for more off days and a 10 month season.

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:40 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

CC will be closer

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:41 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Get Slider and Moondog to platoon in LF. It really can't hurt.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:39 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

it will actually be a 6-mascot platoon when the four browns dogs make the team.

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:40 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I wonder how Slider can hit to the opposite field ...

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:41 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I wonder IF, rather ...

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:42 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Just a side note. My favorite-ever I.O-R.T. post: "Erect a bronze statue of Kenny Lofton. It can take Trot Nixon's place in right."

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:41 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Classic.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:41 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

While we're at it, more haikus.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:51 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Wait, I said that. Cool, someone remembered.

When I imagined that a statue of Kenny in his glory days--forged in just the right pose--might actually get to more balls, it was only 99% in jest.

by jhon on Apr 9, 2008 1:59 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Travis needs to sacrifice a live chicken before the next game too.

by cclemens31 on Apr 8, 2008 1:41 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Trade Michaels for a bag of balls, Build the Statute of Thome promised in 2002 with the money saved

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:42 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

jesus christ, i hate lawschool *Statue

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:43 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

thats pretty funny - but I didn't notice until u pointed it out.

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:44 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Manning for hitting coach.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:43 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

trade grady, cliff lee and jeff stevens to the montreal canadians

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:44 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

for a Jason mask and a 12 pack of Labatt Blue

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:46 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Free Edgar.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:44 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Oh wow.

by supermarioelia on Apr 8, 2008 2:04 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

More profanity.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:45 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

trade for brian barton - who is right around .500

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:45 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

offer the ghost of ronnie belliard?

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:46 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Hector Luna must be involved, in some way.

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:48 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

10 Cent Beer Night: The Sequel.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:45 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Andy "The Schnozz" Pettitte, at any cost.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:46 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Big games call for big-game pitchers.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:46 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

He'll only come over if we promise to bring Roger, too.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:46 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Hire Bonds, Roger, Canseco and McGuire

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:47 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

make tim laker the closer

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:48 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Kelly Shoppach... personal catcher of Craig Berslow... only.

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:49 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

sign a pitcher named craig berslow

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:50 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

ask that he change his name to "beerslow"

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:50 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

hm, I never was quite sure of his name

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:51 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Two words: Julio Franco.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:49 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

SECONDED!

by JulioBernazard on Apr 8, 2008 10:25 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

make tim laker bring byrd his latest shipment

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:49 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

so that's what they mean by personal catcher.

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:50 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Start a "Hire Chris Antonetti" web site.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:50 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

This is very therapeutic...

Joe Borowski for Left Field

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:50 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

potentially solves 2 problems.

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:51 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Why, can Dellucheals close?

(Never mind, that's not a really important consideration anyway.

"It's hard to win when you don't score." Cliff Lee, 9/28/05.

by Harry Doyle on Apr 8, 2008 11:06 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

No, they can't even open.

Free Andy Marte!

Pronk Needs You

by woodsmeister on Apr 8, 2008 11:09 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

and added ability to throw out runners at the plate?

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:51 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Does he have enough arm?

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:51 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

if not, Casey can teach him.

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:52 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

with a cut-off man like Paul Byrd, does it matter?

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:53 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

honest question, do you think Casey Blake (or 90% of the other position guys) can throw harder than joebo?

God truly does hate cleveland sports.

by Gradysmanldy on Apr 8, 2008 12:11 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Trade the entire farm system for Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Wills

by SanD on Apr 8, 2008 1:51 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs

Can Willis play left?

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:52 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Can Cabrera?

Free Andy Marte!

Pronk Needs You

by woodsmeister on Apr 8, 2008 10:38 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Jolbert?

by supermarioelia on Apr 8, 2008 10:41 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Nice.

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 7:24 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Get Rick Ankiel in here...

...

to pitch.

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:53 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

imagine Shoppach trying to catch him. Worth the price of admission!

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:53 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

bean the first batter of the game, every game, to send a message

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:54 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Jettison the Circle Of Trust for the Dodecahedron Of Power.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:56 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Does the Dodecahedron of Power come with official decoder rings?

by Pronk33 on Apr 8, 2008 9:17 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Only if you send in enough Ovaltine labels.

Free Andy Marte!

Pronk Needs You

by woodsmeister on Apr 8, 2008 10:33 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Stage a spectacular, one-time only Thunderdome contest between Michaels and Borowski. Sell tickets.

Two men enter, one man leaves. That solves half our problem.

The survivor is summarily executed. That solves the other half.

The ticket revenue is used to hire E5 to correct biomechanical flaws in the swing of all surviving position players.

Any remaining funds are used to reimburse IndiansFan for his many two cent contributions.

by InfiniteMonkeyTypists on Apr 8, 2008 7:51 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Anybody got a scouting report on the singing voice of Josh Beckett's current girlfriend?

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 8:10 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Trade Joe for Jose Mesa. Immediately DFA Mesa. This is more for 1997 than anything, but I'm still not over it.

by gte619n on Apr 8, 2008 8:11 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Excellent change of topic!

by Voltaire on Apr 8, 2008 2:07 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Install plastic turf at the Prog. Encourage Baltimore chop-style offense. Use current roster to implement.

Also! Bat Grady third.

Steel Nick

by nickjs21 on Apr 8, 2008 8:43 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Send Michaels & Delucci up to the plate with Wii joysticks so they can have the illusion that they are hitting the ball. Have LOBlake piss publicly on Wedge's leg so everyone's clear about who's calling the shots.
(I guess it might be in bad taste to start petitioning for Juan Lara to take JoBo's roster spot. . . right. . . I thought so. . .scratch that).

by DocNo on Apr 8, 2008 8:56 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Attract more fans to bring in revenue to sign HIGH POWERED FREE AGENTS. Ideas for new promotional giveaways:

CC Sabathia buy-one-get-one Big Mac coupons!
Paul Byrd "candy" syringes for the children!
Joe Borowski "noodle" sticky arms (like the ones that come in the $0.25 vending machines)!
Casey Blake ultra-light tampax with wings!

Burn on, big river, burn on...

by Turkmenbashi on Apr 8, 2008 9:01 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Wings only come with pads, not with tampons (such as Tampax).

Surprised none of our thousands of female readers corrected this.

Although it is true that Blake is poised to redefine the whole product category.

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 8:36 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Ah geez, my bad.

/shudders

Burn on, big river, burn on...

by Turkmenbashi on Apr 9, 2008 9:00 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I find Jay's knowledge of the configuration of feminine hygiene products a little scary.

"It's hard to win when you don't score." Cliff Lee, 9/28/05.

by Harry Doyle on Apr 9, 2008 11:20 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I'm guessing you're not married.

by mrich on Apr 9, 2008 12:59 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

It's true, my wife pointed it out.

by Jay on Apr 9, 2008 6:53 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

does anybody have eric plunk's phone number

by mrich on Apr 8, 2008 9:23 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Trade Marte for Dikembe Mutombo to improve our defense and rebounding off the bench. It's about depth, people.

by Pronk33 on Apr 8, 2008 9:24 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Sell Borowski's contract to a Hollywood movie studio. Borowski will win the Oscar that year for Joe Borowski: New Jersey Tough and retire from baseball forever. Hire Chuck Norris as his replacement.

by Pronk33 on Apr 8, 2008 9:34 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Fire Wedge, hire emotionless robot. Implement new lineup and bullpen strategy from Front Office.

New lineup strategy; rotate one position according to scorer's numbers and down the lineup one spot every game. New bullpen strategy; rotate one position back every game.

Tonight's lineup:

SS Carroll
RF Sizemore
DH Michaels
C Westbrook
1B Martinez
3B Peralta
2B Garko
CF Gutz
LF Blake

SP Hafner

Pen tomorrow night:

Long man: Borowski
Middle: Julio, Breslow, Lewis
Setup: Perez
Closer: Betancourt

Lineup on Friday:

DH Gutz
RF Blake
LF Carroll
C Michaels
2B Sabathia
SS Martinez
CF Peralta
3B Garko
1B Hafner

SP Sizemore

Bullpen Friday:

Long man: Perez
Middle: Betancourt, Borowski, Julio
Setup: Breslow
Closer: Lewis

by NickFantana on Apr 8, 2008 9:43 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Send "meat bomb" Konishiki out to squash any Indian who watches strike 3 go by, or flails helplessly at a Jhonny-bhall.

by DocNo on Apr 8, 2008 9:48 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Is that the star trek emblem on his sash???? If so, maybe he's related to sulu...

by Proder1039 on Apr 8, 2008 7:01 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

two words: lilli quist.

waiting for marte.

by jonnykilbane on Apr 8, 2008 10:15 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

trade 19 year old SS/2B prospect to midwest team for 37 year old 1st basemen, in hopes that he'll make a good baseball tonight analyst.

my helmet has, like, no pine tar on it.

by joeee on Apr 8, 2008 10:17 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Sign John Koronka and then DFA him 54 days later.

by NickFantana on Apr 8, 2008 10:32 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs

Jason Michaels' new role: team hairstylist.

Free Andy Marte!

Pronk Needs You

by woodsmeister on Apr 8, 2008 10:35 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

new?

"It's hard to win when you don't score." Cliff Lee, 9/28/05.

by Harry Doyle on Apr 8, 2008 11:10 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Yeah, I think Slocum has been the main guy.

Hey ... move Slocum to LF! Championship!

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 2:14 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Bury egg salad sandwiches in briefcases all over the infield.

by Chemo on Apr 8, 2008 10:43 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Flood the field with snow and have the next home series in Milwaukee or Pittsburgh.

Spidey

by Spidey on Apr 8, 2008 11:11 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Trade Gutz, Shop and Lee to the Pirates for Ronny Paulino and ... Byung-Hyun Kim

"It's hard to win when you don't score." Cliff Lee, 9/28/05.

by Harry Doyle on Apr 8, 2008 11:14 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Burn on, big river, burn on...

by Turkmenbashi on Apr 8, 2008 11:19 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs

Also!

Free Andy Marte!

Pronk Needs You

by woodsmeister on Apr 8, 2008 11:33 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

kawaii

by jhon on Apr 9, 2008 1:56 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Immediately trade for/acquire F. Cabrera from the O's and insert him in the closer position (after he comes off the DL), leaving him in that position no matter the results.

by shenvalee on Apr 8, 2008 11:57 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

why wait for him to come off the DL?

"It's hard to win when you don't score." Cliff Lee, 9/28/05.

by Harry Doyle on Apr 8, 2008 11:59 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Begin betting contest on JoeBo ERA by end of April. If number is higher than teams run total for the month, drink kool-aid.

God truly does hate cleveland sports.

by Gradysmanldy on Apr 8, 2008 12:14 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

1. Trade JoBo for Todd Jones.
2. Acquire midge incubation kit.
3. Acquire all journeyman lefthanded starters in AL.
4. Move start time of west coast games to 9 PM pacific time (I'm too old to stay up that late!).

by peter m on Apr 8, 2008 12:38 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

New Position

Skinner - 2nd Base Coach
Wedge - Bullpen Coach
Luis Isaac - Master of Ceremonies
E5 - Manager & Shaman

by JK in CBus on Apr 8, 2008 12:44 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Scott Sauerbeck - Chancellor of the Exchequer

by mrich on Apr 8, 2008 1:24 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Scott Sauerbeck - Groundskeeper

Free Andy Marte!

Pronk Needs You

by woodsmeister on Apr 8, 2008 1:42 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Scott Sauerbeck - Chauffeur

"It's hard to win when you don't score." Cliff Lee, 9/28/05.

by Harry Doyle on Apr 8, 2008 1:48 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Scott Sauerbeck - Babysitter.

by gte619n on Apr 8, 2008 2:12 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Scott Sauerbeck - bartender

"It's hard to win when you don't score." Cliff Lee, 9/28/05.

by Harry Doyle on Apr 8, 2008 2:13 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

poor guy, hides in the bushes one time and is branded for life.

by shenvalee on Apr 8, 2008 1:50 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Scott Sauerbeck - life coach!

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 2:15 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Luis Isaac - Master of Ceremonies

With or without Kangol hat?

by ken from alexandria on Apr 8, 2008 5:49 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Scott Sauerbeck - LGT Resident Kinesiologist

by gte619n on Apr 8, 2008 3:15 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

HIRE FULTZ.

by emd2k3 on Apr 8, 2008 3:39 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

HIRE GARLAND

by Voltaire on Apr 8, 2008 4:12 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Trade Astrubal for Ray Durham for vet leadership.

by Fredward on Apr 8, 2008 4:24 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Trade JoBo for a copy of Bull Durham for vet leadership.

"It's hard to win when you don't score." Cliff Lee, 9/28/05.

by Harry Doyle on Apr 8, 2008 4:27 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

How about Milton Bradley for veteran leadership?

by peter m on Apr 8, 2008 4:38 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

How about Milton Bradley for demolishing bathrooms?

Free Andy Marte!

Pronk Needs You

by woodsmeister on Apr 8, 2008 4:49 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Wow, Ray Durham ... for all those who complain about paying Blake $6 million, howdja like to be paying this guy 7.5?

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 5:37 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re-aquire every past Indian who has blossomed elsewhere or left for more money...

SP Jeremy Guthrie

SP Kevin Millwood

RP Bob Howry

2B Brandon Phillips

3B Kevin Kousmanoff

RF Manny Ramirez

1B Jim Thome

LF Albert Belle

And do whatever it takes to get Bill Selby back! If not for his stellar bat and suberb defense, then for his elite nicknaming skills ((Pronk) (C) Bill Selby, 2003)

by Proder1039 on Apr 8, 2008 7:08 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

We wouldn't even need a LGFT site. We could just rename this one!

I'm officially removing myself as president of the Gutz for MVP campaign. He will have to earn it back.

by gahnki on Apr 8, 2008 7:39 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Nice work, people. This round's on me.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 10:08 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

absolutely best intentional overreactions thread ever. i'm sad i missed the fun.

by still ill on Apr 9, 2008 12:25 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I have directed several Indians fans here as therapy. It has worked nicely each time.

by Voltaire on Apr 9, 2008 12:52 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Oh. And, sign Paul Byrd to a long-term deal pitching batting practice!

by peter m on Apr 10, 2008 1:02 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

These are supposed to by irrational ideas are encouraged. Based on his performance yesterday, Cobra would make an excellent BP pitcher ... giving him JoBo's job on the other hand ....

"It's hard to win when you don't score." Cliff Lee, 9/28/05.

by Harry Doyle on Apr 10, 2008 1:46 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I disagree!! Batting practice pitchers need to present the batters with something resembling major league pitching!!! (just kidding. You're right, of course -- I was not being unrealistic enough).

by peter m on Apr 11, 2008 3:56 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs