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A Vintage Bottle of Suck: Intentional Over-Reactions

Tomservo_tiny by fleerdon on

Brought to you by Mountains of Change Vineyards...

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this tradition...ish LGT event, we express our frustration in difficult times by announcing what we'd do if we could corporeally inhabit Mark Shapiro for a day, in the sincere hopes that we'll undergo catharsis and be back to our gritty selves when our luck turns. Rampant text formatting and unbridled bombast are encouraged, but there is only one rule: No good Ideas.

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call up weglarz

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:26 AM EDT   0 recs

make fausto the closer again

by mpstable on Apr 8, 2008 1:27 AM EDT   0 recs

I agree, we should have stuck a fake beard on him an trotted him out for the ninth.

by cclemens31 on Apr 8, 2008 1:35 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

trade laffey sowers and miller to ESPN for eduardo perez

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:28 AM EDT   0 recs

Anybody know what happened to the DH C.C. plans? I think I left some behind the lasagna...

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:28 AM EDT   0 recs

Sign Keith Foulke.

by cclemens31 on Apr 8, 2008 1:29 AM EDT   0 recs

Chuck Norris being Shap and JoBo the dog.

by cclemens31 on Apr 8, 2008 1:29 AM EDT   1 recs

FIRE MOONDOG?

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:31 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

does this count as a game thread?

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:31 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

FIRE EVERYONE EXCEPT VICTOR MARTINEZ AND JAMIE CARROLL. REPLACE ALL PERSONNEL IMMEDIATELY WITH OUTSOURCED HELP FROM BOMBAY FOR $2 BUCKS AN HOUR.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:30 AM EDT   0 recs

ALRIGHT, WE CAN KEEP FAUSTO TOO. I GUESS.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:31 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

trade both michaels and dellucci for low level prospects, let ben fran start everyday, and call up elarton for yet another reliever

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:30 AM EDT   0 recs

also hire marte

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:31 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

NO GOOD IDEAS.

by gte619n on Apr 8, 2008 8:06 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

trade borowski for my grandmother

by superdav on Apr 8, 2008 1:31 AM EDT   0 recs

That's the spirit.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:32 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

... hell, for my brother's husky.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:32 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

since we're on a roll here, replace gatorade with PBR in the dugout

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:32 AM EDT   0 recs

how about HGH?

by sillystraw on Apr 10, 2008 1:40 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Make Dellucci hit from the right, Michaels from the left.

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 1:33 AM EDT   0 recs

oh now this is good

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:33 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Then, bat them against like-handed pitchers.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:58 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Bring back Wickman -- as a setup man for Borowski.

by William Gerard Nahorodny on Apr 8, 2008 1:33 AM EDT   0 recs

Change Pronkville to Carrollburg.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:33 AM EDT   0 recs

start signing guys named Dana and Torii

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:34 AM EDT   0 recs

Start Carroll at 3B from now on.

DFA Shoppach just to "send a message."

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 1:34 AM EDT   0 recs

trade hafner for einar diaz

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:35 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Oh now that is good.

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 1:36 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

force casey to shave

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:35 AM EDT   0 recs

force wedge to grow back the mustache.

God truly does hate cleveland sports.

by Gradysmanldy on Apr 8, 2008 12:08 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I'd like to see what Carroll can do on the bump. For every pitch, have Victor roll him the ball off the mound. Then he can run up the mound, touch the rubber, pivot, and deliver.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:35 AM EDT   0 recs

More bunts!

Bases empty bunts!

Bases loaded bunts!

Bunts with a five-run lead!

Bunts with a five-run deficit!

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 1:36 AM EDT   0 recs

Move C.C. to long relief.

(Oh wait, have to turn off radio. It's tinfoil hat time).

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:36 AM EDT   0 recs

Trade for Andrew Brown and flip him for Milton Bradley!

by Pronktastic on Apr 8, 2008 1:37 AM EDT   0 recs

Hire Vlad.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:37 AM EDT   0 recs

Get the guy with the most RBI, pay whatever it takes.

And get Erstad, too.

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 1:38 AM EDT   0 recs

actually i wouldn't mind xavier nady on this team

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:39 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Make JoBo carry the torch the rest of the way to Beijing!

by pandroid on Apr 8, 2008 1:38 AM EDT   1 recs

Great idea! Maybe he can go back to Paris to run the sections that were skipped...

Spidey

by Spidey on Apr 8, 2008 10:51 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

New team president: Steve Phillips.

Keith Woolner's new boss: Joe Morgan.

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 1:39 AM EDT   0 recs

oh now jay you are going too far. i'm outraged.

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:39 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I just threw up a little.

God truly does hate cleveland sports.

by Gradysmanldy on Apr 8, 2008 12:09 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

New radio voice of the Cleveland Indians: Hawk Harrelson.

by Jay on Apr 8, 2008 2:11 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Flip Byrd, Blake, Sabathia, and Westbrook. Announce a "rebuild and contend" strategy.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:39 AM EDT   0 recs

Go to a 2 man rotation of Fausto and Westbrook... play 5 infielders

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:39 AM EDT   0 recs

this is actually a feasible idea

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:40 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

well besides the two man rotation part

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:40 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I heard Grady plays a mean "Rover".

by cclemens31 on Apr 8, 2008 1:40 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

nah grady and gutz will be in the OF

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:41 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

and petition the league office for more off days and a 10 month season.

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:40 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

CC will be closer

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:41 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Get Slider and Moondog to platoon in LF. It really can't hurt.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:39 AM EDT   0 recs

it will actually be a 6-mascot platoon when the four browns dogs make the team.

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:40 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I wonder how Slider can hit to the opposite field ...

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:41 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I wonder IF, rather ...

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:42 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Just a side note. My favorite-ever I.O-R.T. post: "Erect a bronze statue of Kenny Lofton. It can take Trot Nixon's place in right."

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:41 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Classic.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:41 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

While we're at it, more haikus.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:51 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Wait, I said that. Cool, someone remembered.

When I imagined that a statue of Kenny in his glory days--forged in just the right pose--might actually get to more balls, it was only 99% in jest.

by jhon on Apr 9, 2008 1:59 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Travis needs to sacrifice a live chicken before the next game too.

by cclemens31 on Apr 8, 2008 1:41 AM EDT   0 recs

Trade Michaels for a bag of balls, Build the Statute of Thome promised in 2002 with the money saved

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:42 AM EDT   0 recs

jesus christ, i hate lawschool *Statue

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:43 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

thats pretty funny - but I didn't notice until u pointed it out.

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:44 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Manning for hitting coach.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:43 AM EDT   0 recs

trade grady, cliff lee and jeff stevens to the montreal canadians

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:44 AM EDT   0 recs

for a Jason mask and a 12 pack of Labatt Blue

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:46 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Free Edgar.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:44 AM EDT   0 recs

More profanity.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:45 AM EDT   0 recs

trade for brian barton - who is right around .500

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:45 AM EDT   0 recs

offer the ghost of ronnie belliard?

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:46 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Hector Luna must be involved, in some way.

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:48 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

10 Cent Beer Night: The Sequel.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:45 AM EDT   0 recs

Andy "The Schnozz" Pettitte, at any cost.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:46 AM EDT   0 recs

Big games call for big-game pitchers.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:46 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

He'll only come over if we promise to bring Roger, too.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:46 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Hire Bonds, Roger, Canseco and McGuire

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:47 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

make tim laker the closer

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:48 AM EDT   0 recs

Kelly Shoppach... personal catcher of Craig Berslow... only.

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:49 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

sign a pitcher named craig berslow

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:50 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

ask that he change his name to "beerslow"

Sizemore-Shapiro 2008. The Official Red Bull of Let's Go Tribe Game Threads.

by Gradyforpresident on Apr 8, 2008 1:50 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

hm, I never was quite sure of his name

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:51 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Two words: Julio Franco.

--
"I love baseball. You know it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just beautiful to watch." - Woody Allen

by vbc3 on Apr 8, 2008 1:49 AM EDT   0 recs

make tim laker bring byrd his latest shipment

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:49 AM EDT   0 recs

so that's what they mean by personal catcher.

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:50 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Start a "Hire Chris Antonetti" web site.

by fleerdon on Apr 8, 2008 1:50 AM EDT   0 recs

This is very therapeutic...

Joe Borowski for Left Field

by DaytonDogg on Apr 8, 2008 1:50 AM EDT   0 recs

potentially solves 2 problems.

by westbrook on Apr 8, 2008 1:51 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Why, can Dellucheals close?

(Never mind, that's not a really important consideration anyway.

"It's hard to win when you don't score." Cliff Lee, 9/28/05.

by Harry Doyle on Apr 8, 2008 11:06 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs