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Page 2 Will Be Posting That Betancourt Destroyed Our National Innocence Soon

I fully expect to see a piece on Page 2 within the next six months claiming that Rafael Betancourt destroyed our national innocence, using fictional outrage at RB as a vehicle for parodying the Bonds/PEDS/hypocrisy.

Why?

Because of this:

Step Aside Yankees Universe and Red Sox Nation

 

Which is incredibly similar to something I wrote on RR nearly exactly one year ago this week.

Considering this is Costas/Bissinger week, I wasn't exactly happy about this , considering that all blogs are dedicated to cruelty and profanity and done by idiots.

A collaborative piece posted by Jim Baker, Jonah Keri and Mike Philbrick on April 30th on ESPN's Page2, Step Aside is a humorous parody of the the endless, and endlessly tiring Yankees-Red Sox rivalry and the purple prose that it's generated. Ha! The Orioles and Rays, two pathetic teams, dividing a town miles from both and obviously not a battleground. That's pretty good. There's even a take on the old saw about familes being divided, and it's all the better because the town, in this case, Manning, South Carolina, is simply a tiny lil dot on the map.

The post on Page2 (or is it Page 2?) is funny, and I would have enjoyed it, as it's the kind of thing I really love. Unfortunately, I didn't, because I wrote something highly similar almost exactly one year ago: The Battle for Grass Creek, Wyoming. Parody of Yankes-Sawx? Check. Two pathetic teams with no actual rivalry? Check. Highlighting a tiny town sarcastically caught in the middle? Check.

 

Point being, expect that hilarious Page 2 riff on Betancourt any day now.

I remain, your most humble and obedient servant,

Royals Review

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Page 2 will probably go with a Jose Guillen story. You know, because they apparently have so much respect for you.

by emd2k3 on May 2, 2008 2:36 PM EDT   0 recs

You know, you’re right, you know… ESPN is infallible and it’s laughable that I would even slightly feel weird.

Wow, I thought people in this city liked “the little guy”. Apparently I’m 0-2 in that regard. Cool.

by royalsreview on May 2, 2008 2:57 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

What somebody stole your idea? Why this is the first I’ve heard of such a thing in the history of literature – the horror, oh the horror!

"the most vehement Yankee-hating guy I know" - Jay

by mauichuck on May 2, 2008 2:41 PM EDT   0 recs

considering it happened on the day after Bissinger

no, it wasn’t a very thrilling moment

but you are welcome to your sarcasm nonetheless

by royalsreview on May 2, 2008 2:51 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Ya don’t like bein’ at the other end of it, do you?

"the most vehement Yankee-hating guy I know" - Jay

by mauichuck on May 2, 2008 3:45 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Somewhat confused, but I guess no.

You got me.

by royalsreview on May 2, 2008 5:00 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I think he means, getting crapped on.

by Jay on May 2, 2008 6:09 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Exactly – RR Bentancourt riff stopped being cute or amusing months ago. I’m tired of it – now move along.

"the most vehement Yankee-hating guy I know" - Jay

by mauichuck on May 2, 2008 6:34 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

ah

what a perfect parallel
obviously, your comment directly addressed to me, is exactly the same, on all levels

are you a site admin or just someone who likes making blanket statements? nevertheless, i will heed you call/threat/advice to “move along”

by royalsreview on May 2, 2008 6:59 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I’m not a site admin – far from it, since I’m occasionally censor. I’m just an Indians fan and Cleveland ex-patriot and frankly I’m a little tired of recurrent ridiculed heaped on my hometown. A week or two – maybe even a month – I could tolerate. But a year plus?

As to blanket statements – that’s my sine qua non – just like yours must be runnin’ a lame joke into the ground.

And by “move along” I meant find another schtick, this one is threadbare.

"the most vehement Yankee-hating guy I know" - Jay

by mauichuck on May 2, 2008 7:19 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I am frankly amazed at RR’s steadfast deployment of that schtick whenever I start to get pumped about The Iron Fist. Impressive, and that commitment is what made it funny for me.

by tabler84 on May 3, 2008 8:47 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Let me rephrase that.

That’s why they make chocolate and vanilla. Tell you what next time royals review refers to Betancourt and the Lose of National Innocence you can tell him how brilliant you think it is and I’ll tell him he’s an idiot. How about that?

"the most vehement Yankee-hating guy I know" - Jay

by mauichuck on May 3, 2008 11:23 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

It’s a deal! We may not agree all that often, Chuck, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love ya, man.

by tabler84 on May 3, 2008 1:00 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

the observation that you ever found anything simultaneously “cute” and worthwhile makes me completely re-evaluate you, Chuck. /Shaking my head…

by APV on May 2, 2008 7:04 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Never said it was worthwhile – never.

"the most vehement Yankee-hating guy I know" - Jay

by mauichuck on May 2, 2008 7:52 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

hey now…

the schtick has had some side runs into Holy Man Paul Byrd as well…

by royalsreview on May 3, 2008 3:10 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

RR,

I want you to know that while I read several dozen political, sports, and wine blogs, you are my single favorite blogger in the universe. And that hyperbole comes with not a touch of sarcasm.

Please, for the sake of Mrs. Tabs and my future kids, PLEASE stay on the case of the destruction of our national innocence. I mean, how long before Miley Cyrus is posing nude at the age of 16, her eyes glazed over, laying on a stack of vials of the clear, a crushed Vicodin milkshake lazily hled in one hand?

by tabler84 on May 2, 2008 3:45 PM EDT   0 recs

haha. I will do. For miley, and for the children.

by royalsreview on May 2, 2008 5:01 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

For what it’s worth, RR, Bissinger appears to be the one taking the biggest hit (though obviously any internet search is going to return predominantly pro-blog results).

Keep up the good work.

by macasson on May 2, 2008 4:35 PM EDT   0 recs

I’ll bet the newspaper editors are just quaking in their wing-tips. What’ll happen to newspaper circulation if they lose their underwear clad, pimply-faced, virgin bloggers that are living in their mother’s basements? Ad revenues will surely tumble spelling doom for those ink-stained wretches.

"the most vehement Yankee-hating guy I know" - Jay

by mauichuck on May 2, 2008 4:47 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

It was funny reading the FJM attack on his story about Kerry Wood.

by supermarioelia on May 2, 2008 7:22 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

FANPOST

by Roger Dorn on May 2, 2008 5:22 PM EDT   0 recs

wait, I meant

FANSHOT

by Roger Dorn on May 2, 2008 5:22 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I concur with Chuck about the “national innocence” shtick. If you had an editor on the sports desk, he would have killed the line long ago. I think it’s labored, like Chris Berman’s nicknames. For some reason it reminds me of Rollen Stewart, the guy with the rainbow afro wig who sat behind home plate holding a John 3:16 sign when Darrel Porter came to the plate. After a while the cameras tried to avoid showing him.

According to Wikipedia, by the way, “in the late 1980s, [Stewart] began a string of stink bomb attacks. Targets included Robert Schuller’s Crystal Cathedral, the Orange County Register, the Trinity Broadcasting Network, and a Christian bookstore.”

I don’t mind abuse being heaped on my hometown, but welcome new material.

by odradek on May 2, 2008 11:14 PM EDT   0 recs

I disagree. It’s funny because he sticks with it and it is completely tongue in cheek. It makes me laugh anyway.

Proud supporter of the Cleveland.

by fwembt on May 3, 2008 12:40 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

If you had an editor on the sports desk, he would have killed the line long ago. I think it’s labored, like Chris Berman’s nicknames.

And yet Chris Berman continues to nickname away.

Burn on, big river, burn on...

by Turkmenbashi on May 3, 2008 12:49 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Chris “The Blockhead” Berman? Is he still around? Does he still pat himself on the back and crack himself up with his witticisms? He thinks he’s Oscar Wilde.

by odradek on May 3, 2008 12:57 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Perhaps he’s Dorian Gray (check the paintings in his attic?)

by peter m on May 3, 2008 2:00 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

fair enough, it’s impossible to say, because no two editors all the same, and I don’t have one anyway

but what I don’t understand is how multiple people feel like it is abuse on their hometown

how is it abuse on Cleveland, or of Cleveland, in any way?

and FWIW, I am not a standard Cleveland hater, I have lived there, my fiancee is from there, I am getting married there, etc.

by royalsreview on May 3, 2008 3:12 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I write this stuff in the middle of the night at warp speed. What you get is completely unedited stream of conscience. In the clear light of day I wouldda drop the “recurrent ridiculed heaped on my hometown” bit cuz that ain’t what I meant. More like we can ridicule any of the Tribe players but don’t let some furbacchione from another fansite take shots at Casey or JMike or any other Indian without pissin’ me off. Now I know that royals review has sorta website teacher’s pet, but frankly I don’t give a damn – enough is enough.

And finally royals review, you can insult me, question my intelligence, or my baseball fandom, just don’t bore me. And you Mr. Review are boring the hell outta me. So either come up with something amusing and cut out all of this self-congratulatory "insightful satire" or move along.

"the most vehement Yankee-hating guy I know" - Jay

by mauichuck on May 3, 2008 7:04 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I have a strong feeling that royalsreview isn't here to entertain you

I have an equally strong feeling that he doesn’t care a bit whether you find him entertaining or not. Your critique has been noted and I’m sure he’ll give it all the consideration that it deserves.

I probably disagree with you.

by NYRoyal on May 4, 2008 3:23 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

awww…. this is adorable.

by Brick. on May 4, 2008 11:02 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Chuck is an Indians fan and a longtime regular of this community.

As a fan of another team, the onus is on you to be careful not to act like a troll.

This will be your only warning.

by Jay on May 4, 2008 4:34 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Well at least I made you laugh – that’s more than I can say for RR.

"the most vehement Yankee-hating guy I know" - Jay

by mauichuck on May 4, 2008 7:31 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I’m fascinated by this. If he’s not here to provide enterainment, on some small level, then why is he here?

I mean, he shows up and tells one joke once a week. It’s supposed to be entertaining to someone right? Otherwise, what is he for? As part of some larger objective I don’t understand?

And I, for one, think the Betancourt thing is sort of funny.

by afh4 on May 4, 2008 10:31 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

believe Ny’s point was about just entertaining chuck

but regardless, Jay’s a rock-solid chuck’s way or the highway guy i guess, so this is my final involvement here (gotta stick up for my boy, who was sticking up for me, and say he wasn’t acting trollish in the slightest, nor being argumentative and abusive)

by royalsreview on May 4, 2008 11:47 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

“laughable and pathetic”

Sorry, Will, but that’s both argumentative and abusive. You evidently believe that the fact he was sticking up for you changes the very meaning of those two words. You’d do better to tell your friend that he’s embarrassing both of you, and that you can stick up for yourself perfectly well.

Some will not agree with Chuck’s critique, but others would say it was pretty funny and/or totally valid. Ironically, the same could be said for quite a lot of what you write.

by Jay on May 5, 2008 12:20 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Not to get all meta but if we’re not all here to provide a small level of entertainment then why does 90% of what we do revolve around inside jokes? I think we stray into censorious territory when we begin to indicate people are or are not welcome based on their style of humor. A lot of what I write isn’t as funny as I think it is but I keep contributing because the moderators have encouraged a restrained chaos. I think it’s a good balance and it largely stems from the fact that we have identifiable moderators who will exercise their authority and we have identifiable standards that they exercise their authority upon.

Bottom line, what RR does might not be funny to a lot of people but for one member to unilaterally tell him to move along because that member is annoyed of it seems like a dangerous new precedent to set and I, for one, am uncomfortable with it.

PS The entire business of the other friend sticking up is a separate issue and, as evidenced above, well within the moderators accepted role.

by NickFantana on May 5, 2008 10:04 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I agree with this point, but consider how it started: With a self-promoting bit how Page Two was ripping off Mr. Review. Chuck gives him a hard time, other people disagree and maintain that RR is in fact funny. Then NY Royal posts a few sarcastic defenses. Jay calls him on it. RR then concludes: “Jay’s a rock-solid chuck’s way or the highway guy i guess, so this is my final involvement here.” He takes his ball and goes home? I don’t want to see the man run out of Dodge.

by odradek on May 5, 2008 10:23 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Some good points here, but let me try to give you some food for thought on it.

First, Chuck doesn’t speak for the site or the collective throng here, and he doesn’t claim to. “Move along” isn’t an order, and it refers more to “moving along” in terms of getting some new material rather than leaving entirely. I think you will find that his remark is actually quite in keeping with some of the self-management that the community does, i.e., occasionally someone will apparently be cracking himself up pretty good with some comment, over and over again, until one or more fellow LGTers (and it’s often not Ryan or me) points out that it isn’t that funny or is inappropriate or irksome in some other way.

Second, while Ryan and I have been rather indulgent of our friend and colleague’s antics here, it’s fair to say that they’re problematic, and my guess is that some of our peers would not be (and perhaps have not been) been as welcoming. The fact that I’ve felt it necessary many time to follow his posts with — “this guy isn’t a troll, he’s doing this semi-obscure satirical thing” — suggests in itself that either the satire isn’t entirely compelling or the venue isn’t quite right for it, or both. We have essentially declared that he’s not trolling, but one could reasonably call it trolling.

I’ll give you a parallel example. Early last season, I’m over on Lookout Landing, months before the “raid,” and the experience is going more or less as usual for that sort of expedition. I’m having some deep exchange with a couple of people, some slightly funky trash-talk with one or two others, and then of course there’s another 1-3 commenters who just despise my very existence, and that have a tough time calming down about “the enemy” even when a couple of their fellow LL’ers tell them that they should—all par for the course.

At some point, I make some reference to Bavasi being possibly the dumbest GM in the game right now, not even in a trashy way if I recall, almost more matter-of-fact, like, everyone already knows this. At that point, more or less everyone reacted badly, and I found myself backtracking, like, “Hey, hey, I didn’t mean to be rude or anything, I’m sorry, what’d I say? I thought everyone knew and accepted this.” And the answer I got was basically, “Yeah, but that’s our team’s GM, so it comes off one way for us to say it, and quite another way for you to say it.” They weren’t defending Bavasi, just pointing out that when a guy who roots for some other team says it, the effect is totally different. We might feel the same way about a guy like Paul Byrd, for example.

What if I went back to LL last season and made a big diary post about how Richie Sexson is just another example of how Cleveland trades away all its best players. Sexson was abysmal last season, and people always have selective memory about their team trading away great players, so obviously I’m making a big piece of satire, right? So fine, maybe some of them get the joke, some of them don’t. Now let’s say, every time Sexson puts up a big 0-fer - often, by the way - I go back and make essentially the exact same post. Some people might eventually find it hilarious, the sheer stupidity and repetition. Quite a few would wonder why I would take the time.

But quite a few would get pissed off, too, and I couldn’t say they were wrong, because Sexson is Their Guy now. Betancourt was once a very small national story, but he’s Our Guy before and after that. And bottom line, this is an Indians fan site. To expect a better reaction, after you make one of Our Guys the butt of the same joke, 50 times in a row, is frankly just not realistic. We all ultimately write for ourselves, but there is always some expectation of understanding how your comments will be read.

I don’t know if Will has been entirely realistic or reasonable in his own expectations for this material, and that’s just one more reason why Chuck’s critique was fair game.

by Jay on May 5, 2008 10:41 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Speaking of trading away Richie Sexson, how about that Ryan Ludwick?

by odradek on May 5, 2008 11:23 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

The distinction you made and Chuck reinforced below is reading “move along” as “get some new material.” I was, in fact, reading it as “take a hike.” I have no problem with anybody here telling anybody else here, much less a Royals fan, as you rightly note, that their schtick isn’t cutting it. Honestly, I’ve been waiting for that shoe to fall with me for some time now. Thanks for the good feedback.

by NickFantana on May 6, 2008 9:23 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

You have a schtick?

by Jay on May 6, 2008 9:32 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Nah, I’m just always paranoid that only I find my posts funny.

Maybe I should develop a schtick?

Take my third baseman, please.

by NickFantana on May 6, 2008 11:16 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Look Nick I didn’t tell him to get the hell outta Dodge – I asked him to freshen up his material. I can handle lame jokes – I make quite a few myself – but month after month of the same lame crap? Common, ya gotta admit it wasn’t that funny from the get-go and didn’t get any funnier in the retelling – over and over again.

No, a thought that “move along” was pretty non-threatening. In fact I defy you to find any of my posts where I’ve ever threatened anybody.

As to NYRoyal – I’m sure he won his HS senior essay contest – in fact I’m sure RR was at least a runner-up, but the canned cliched criticism just rolls offa me. You know are you one obnoxious thing or something stupid thing type of criticism. It’s one of the lamer rhetorical devises used by the unimaginative.

Finally, all I’m saying is if you’re gonna be a clown at least be a funny clown, or else change your profession.

"the most vehement Yankee-hating guy I know" - Jay

by mauichuck on May 5, 2008 1:56 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

No sad clowns in your world, chuck?

Free Andy Marte!

Pronk Needs You

by woodsmeister on May 5, 2008 4:19 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Frankly I’m a little tired of recurrent ridicule heaped on my hometown.

I don’t see it as such. I was just responding to Chuck’s admission. But let me try to analyze why a Clevelander could be irritated: Isn’t part of the supposed humor in your ironic assertion that a performance-enhanced reliever pitching in Cleveland has caused our loss of national innocence, when everyone knows the real contributors to our decline play in San Francisco and New York? Cleveland serves as an appropriate foil for your parody, a Hooterville of sorts. Maybe that’s why someone could view it as derogatory.

“A standard Cleveland hater” is an unusual turn of phrase. Did you mean to so qualify your assertion? Does that make you an untraditional hater?

by odradek on May 3, 2008 4:05 PM EDT   0 recs

na, i meant it all in one chunk, so maybe, standard-cleveland-hater

i save my hate for Cincinnati

interesting take re:hooterville… it looks like i’ve bugged enough people to merit letting betancourt go around here

by royalsreview on May 3, 2008 5:04 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I wish Hafner would attempt to destroy some of our national innocence. Maybe then he could hit a BP fastball.

by gte619n on May 5, 2008 9:34 AM EDT   0 recs

I’m with you.

by Jay on May 5, 2008 9:42 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

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