It's time. To blow up this team. In its entirety. Now. (Intentional Overreaction Thread)

by youngfinster on May 23, 2008 10:09 AM EDT

It's time to: Trade C.C. Sabathia for just about anything. He will undoubtedly be gone by the end of the year, move him for the best package that can be found. Its time to: See if there is any team dumb enough to take Travis Hafner. Its time to: Make "The Looch" part of any trade if possible. If not DFA. Its time to: Trade Jhonny Peralta for anything. Its time to: Trade Paul Byrd for a bag of baseballs and a radar gun. Its time to: Hope for a season ending injury to JoBo, only because I want a better than 0% chance to win the game, if by some miracle we have the lead in the 9th inning. Its time to: Trade Victor! I know, I know, By this time you all want to run down to the torch and pitchfork rental store and storm the castle, but it is time for bold and daring moves, only because as of right now, this is a last place team. My team after the carnage, for this year only, would be: C) Kelly Shopach. 1B) Michael Aubrey. 2B) Josh Barfield. 3B) Andy Marte. SS) Asdrubel Cabrera. OF) Ben Francisco, Grady Sizemore, Shin Su Choo, Franklin Guitierrez. DH) Ryan Garko. The Starters: Jake Westbrooke, Fausto Carmona, Cliff Lee, Aaron Laffey, Jeremy Sowers. The bullpen: Who cares, as long as there's no JoBo. As Bluto Blutarsky of Animal House fame would say: Who's with me?

[Editor's Note: Consider this the latest installment of the Intentional Overreaction Thread - Ryan]

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B O R I N G

by Toxicadam on May 23, 2008 10:13 AM EDT reply actions

Delete this post before you make us all look bad. Byrd for a bag of balls? What? Our starting SS for “anything”? Trade Vic?

It’s time to: Get lost.

by supermarioelia on May 23, 2008 10:18 AM EDT reply actions

Mario thinks like the classic nouveau riche … apparently, once he joined LGT, we should have closed the membership.

by Jay on May 23, 2008 4:50 PM EDT up reply actions

maybe by “Get lost” he simply means “Forget your old material”

by Brick. on May 23, 2008 4:58 PM EDT up reply actions

Haha I just find it difficult to be nice to newbies. This has been an issue with me for a while.

by supermarioelia on May 23, 2008 7:22 PM EDT up reply actions

I guess we need to assign Mario a veteran mentor, he’s still acting like a newbie. I would offer that there is no finer mentor for Mario than Chuck.

-Erik

by drerikbrady on May 24, 2008 9:11 AM EDT up reply actions

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I promise I’ll be nice.

by supermarioelia on May 24, 2008 11:11 AM EDT up reply actions

Chuck would be the scariest Newbie Hazer in the world. I’m cowering as I type this.

Hard truth: Your eyes lie.

by AngG on May 25, 2008 1:49 AM EDT up reply actions

Aww come on, Chuck’s just a big teddy bear.

-Erik

by drerikbrady on May 27, 2008 10:17 AM EDT up reply actions

Its time to: Trade Victor! I know, I know, By this time you all want to run down to the torch and pitchfork rental store and storm the castle, but it is time for bold and daring moves, only because as of right now, this is a last place team.

A. Crippling yourself isn’t “bold and daring”
B. We’re in last place? Did last night’s loss count for 4 or something?
C. By entirety, you meant 6 guys out of 40. Also! I’m glad we can keep “Jake Westbrooke.”

my helmet has, like, no pine tar on it.

by joeee on May 23, 2008 10:24 AM EDT reply actions

Westbrooke is our pitcher from the year 1157. He is a most dashing knight.

Hard truth: Your eyes lie.

by AngG on May 23, 2008 10:43 AM EDT up reply actions 2 recs

Huzzah!

by painaxl on May 23, 2008 10:57 AM EDT up reply actions

All right. Tonight we’re busting out the Ren Faire garb.

Hard truth: Your eyes lie.

by AngG on May 23, 2008 11:05 AM EDT up reply actions

Turkey legs… in the… gasp

by painaxl on May 23, 2008 12:02 PM EDT up reply actions

Something about “Jake Westbrooke” sounds pornstarish where “Jake Westbrook” does not. Er, right?

my helmet has, like, no pine tar on it.

by joeee on May 23, 2008 10:58 AM EDT up reply actions

I think that’s just you.

Hard truth: Your eyes lie.

by AngG on May 23, 2008 11:05 AM EDT up reply actions

I heard Westbrooke was an upscale subdivision in Westlake. You generally have to pay extra for the extra ‘e”, like eating at anyplace called the Olde Village Taverne.

Free Andy Marte!

Pronk Needs You

by woodsmeister on May 23, 2008 11:34 AM EDT up reply actions

We’re in third place. Not showing off, not falling behind.

by RachelAnn on May 23, 2008 10:26 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs

If you wouldn’t have posted this last Friday morning, it’s kind of rash to be posting it this Friday morning.

You know Selig? Ombudsman.

by rolub on May 23, 2008 10:30 AM EDT reply actions

Let’s reinterpret this as the irrational overreaction post. Youngfinster has thought of almost all of the ones we could have considered posting. He neglected a few, however:

a. trade for Richie Sexson so we can corner the market on guys who strike out continuously.

b. trade Grady for Juan Pierre. Everyone knows Grady is a disappointment and, according to ESPN, the stolen base has made a comeback!

c. Make Julio the closer—he’s got experience.

d. Extend Wedge’s contract so he’ll relax a little and making everybody nervous with his constant twitching.

What have I left out?

by peter m on May 23, 2008 10:31 AM EDT reply actions

I left out “stop” in d (before “making everybody nervous”).

by peter m on May 23, 2008 10:32 AM EDT up reply actions

re: c. Make Julio the closer—he’s got experience.

First, we’d have to coax him out of retirement, but at 49 and playing first base for years, he should have some gas left in the tank.

You know Selig? Ombudsman.

by rolub on May 23, 2008 10:37 AM EDT up reply actions

Step away from the starting catcher. I repeat, step away from the starting catcher.

Hard truth: Your eyes lie.

by AngG on May 23, 2008 10:42 AM EDT reply actions

Youngfinster’s next move:
To the lumberyard!

"A good body with a dull brain is as cheap as life itself."

by Fiddlesticks on May 23, 2008 11:10 AM EDT reply actions

Maybe we can trade this fanpost for some paragraphs and some punctuation to be named later.

Free Andy Marte!

Pronk Needs You

by woodsmeister on May 23, 2008 11:29 AM EDT reply actions 9 recs

HIYOOOOO!!!

Burn on, big river, burn on...

by Turkmenbashi on May 23, 2008 11:41 AM EDT up reply actions

POTW

by supermarioelia on May 23, 2008 11:44 AM EDT up reply actions

I personally love the idea of a 4 man OF as he’s mooted…would we get a 10 man lineup too?

http://www.on-the-bench.blogspot.com - an irreverant take on EPL football (that's soccer!)

by Luis (Tribe Fan in London) on May 23, 2008 11:35 AM EDT reply actions

it’s time for bold and daring moves!

by still ill on May 23, 2008 11:38 AM EDT up reply actions

Two suggestions:

1) Can we talk to the SBN people about adding some sort of “negative rec” feature?

2) And can we declare a moratorium on the use of the phrase “trade [player] for a bag of baseballs”? It’s stifling our creativity. I want to see more ideas like: “trade AbaCab for a cocky teenager, a flux capacitor, and a DeLorean DMC-12 so that we can visit 1997 and bring back Manny, Omar and Thome.”

by still ill on May 23, 2008 11:54 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs

It’s 2008, where’s my floating skateboards?!

The future is lies.

by Toxicadam on May 23, 2008 12:23 PM EDT up reply actions

I miss the future.

I tried to make Paul Reuschel my Avatar, but he didn't fit into the box.

by emd2k3 on May 23, 2008 12:31 PM EDT up reply actions 5 recs

This is an underrated comment.

my helmet has, like, no pine tar on it.

by joeee on May 23, 2008 3:23 PM EDT up reply actions

Darn scientists.

Hard truth: Your eyes lie.

by AngG on May 23, 2008 12:37 PM EDT up reply actions

Although I have heard that wearing your pants backwards is in style.

by hans on May 23, 2008 2:59 PM EDT up reply actions

Without a Mr. Fuison, you’ll be waiting around for a lightning strike get the 1.21 gigawatts of power you’ll need for the flux capacitor.

So, who on the team is worth a Mr. Fusion?

"It's hard to win when you don't score." Cliff Lee, 9/28/05.

by Harry Doyle on May 23, 2008 12:29 PM EDT up reply actions

we may have to think outside the box on this one.

i think we could generate six or seven gigawatts if we just ask the Tribe lineup to perform as usual and strategically position a few of these in the vicinity of home plate:

by still ill on May 23, 2008 12:59 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

Who is this clown?

NBR (No Borowski Run): Refers to that run which puts the Indians up by 4 over an opponent, thereby drastically reducing the chances of Joe Borowski pitching in a game.

by crazymoloh on May 23, 2008 12:43 PM EDT reply actions

It’s actually Jay (in disguise) trying to see who would bite.

by peter m on May 23, 2008 1:13 PM EDT up reply actions

I think it’s Andy Marte trying to use the internet as a means of getting Wedge’s attention

by Roger Dorn on May 23, 2008 1:32 PM EDT up reply actions

Sweet lineup after carnage

by Roger Dorn on May 23, 2008 1:06 PM EDT reply actions

There’s a torch and pitchfork store?

He has a castle?

I am so confused.

by Jay on May 23, 2008 1:20 PM EDT reply actions

I want a castle.

And a team that can hit.

Also, a pony.

Hard truth: Your eyes lie.

by AngG on May 23, 2008 1:28 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

I want a pony. Well, actually a 1964 1/2 mustang.

by shenvalee on May 23, 2008 1:45 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

He was going for Shrek-chic, I believe.

my helmet has, like, no pine tar on it.

by joeee on May 23, 2008 3:25 PM EDT up reply actions

OK, here’s my formula for fixing the Indians:

1. Trade for Garret Atkins. I don’t care how you do it, but get it done. Asdrubal Cabrera and Aaron Laffey should be enough, but in case it doesn’t Adam Miller should be a good throw-in.

2. Fire Jeff Datz and make Casey Blake the new bench coach.

3. Trade Jhonny Peralta to the Giants for Omar Vizquel, and sign Kenny Lofton. Use the proceeds from the increased attendance to sign Barry Bonds. Use the proceeds from that atteddance bump to give Paul Byrd a contract extension.

4. ???

5. 95 wins.

QED

by Ryan on May 23, 2008 1:36 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs

Why stop there? Make Dellucci the bullpen coach, Hafner the hitting coach, and so on. We could solve all of our hitting problems by making them ALL coaches.

by peter m on May 23, 2008 1:50 PM EDT up reply actions

Those who can’t, teach.

by CBusSteve on May 23, 2008 1:56 PM EDT up reply actions

I know this is silly, and I’ve mentioned it before, but some loon called into Brinda’s shortened post-game show on WKNR last night, suggesting we trade Laffey, Blake, and Gutierrez to Colorado for Atkins and Holliday. Even Brinda said COL would never do that, so the caller says, “uh, ok then, Sabathia instead (of Laffey)”.

There are actually local Indians fans who “think” (debatable) they know how to fix the club.

You know Selig? Ombudsman.

by rolub on May 23, 2008 1:57 PM EDT up reply actions

I would be more worried about science finding a way to help you grow back all the brain cells that committed harikiri while you subjected them to Brinda and the post-game WKNR callers.

Free Andy Marte!

Pronk Needs You

by woodsmeister on May 23, 2008 2:06 PM EDT up reply actions

Phase 1: Collect Garrett Atkins
Phase 2: ???
Phase 3: Profit

by Roger Dorn on May 23, 2008 2:55 PM EDT up reply actions

those were some entrapunerial gnomes

by hans on May 23, 2008 3:03 PM EDT up reply actions

Phase II is proprietary knowledge that is only contained in DiamondVision.

by steincat on May 23, 2008 3:27 PM EDT up reply actions

i think you mean spectravision

by dwight on May 23, 2008 3:49 PM EDT up reply actions

Outside the box

Send Dellucci to the same tanning booths that Marty Cordova used to use.

Have Marte grow a beard, wear white face and be friendly with Pronk. Wedge will be confused and start him at 3rd base. Marte already has Casey’s hitting ability down pat.

Encourage Pronk to get a divorce.

Show Betancourt videos on what the inside of the plate looks like. Use a PowerPoint presentation if necessary.

by Toxicadam on May 23, 2008 1:49 PM EDT reply actions

First we’re firing Victor, and now we’re firing Amy Hafner?

I WILL NOT STAND FOR THESE SHENANIGANS.

Hard truth: Your eyes lie.

by AngG on May 23, 2008 2:05 PM EDT up reply actions

I am so done with all the stupid Amy Hafner comments. And I am so irrationally defensive about this. Think of something else “clever.”

by tabler84 on May 23, 2008 5:39 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

I’m just trying to be fair and balanced. I credited J-honey’s honey for his comeback in 2007, so naturally …

by Jay on May 23, 2008 7:26 PM EDT up reply actions

Clone Michael Aubrey a few hundred times over, as part of a 25-year plan to repopulate all levels of the system. Hedge possible underperformance with large investments in back brace companies.

by CBusSteve on May 23, 2008 2:06 PM EDT reply actions

Send Marty McFly back in the Delorean to take the basketball out of Matt Whitney’s hands.

Free Andy Marte!

Pronk Needs You

by woodsmeister on May 23, 2008 2:09 PM EDT reply actions

By this time you all want to run down to the torch and pitchfork rental store and storm the castle,

I don’t rent torches and pitchforks, I own them. Welcome to Cleveland. Don’t trip over the corpse of Craig Ehlo on your way out.

by afh4 on May 23, 2008 2:24 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs

This post makes more sense if you imagine that it’s a Turkish-market Ford commercial.

SABATHIA surrenders home run, swears into mitt.

NARRATOR: Its time to: Move him now for the best package that can be found! Any trade if possible, a bag of baseballs and a radar gun.

Clouds roll over mountains backwards.

HAFNER strikes out looking.

NARRATOR: I want a better than zero percent chance to win! It’s time!

Rapid-fire subliminal montage: A sperm penetrating an ova. Simba lifted to crowd of animals in The Lion King. The White House. Phil Collins showering.

A foul tip hits MARTINEZ in the face mask. A piece of cardboard with the word “trade” written on it in permanent market falls onto the screen.

The climactic sequence from James Whales’s Frankenstein.

NARRATOR: Shoppach! Aubrey! Barfield! Cabrera!

Stop-motion of a dandelion dying.

A Ford Focus.

NARRATOR: Bold and daring moves.

Jim Belushi looks at camera, shrugs.

by fleerdon on May 23, 2008 3:26 PM EDT reply actions 6 recs