The Existential Wedge

Fear not those of you defenders of Wedge from the heathens' call for his head. Do not shed a tear if that axe falls, the firing range fires, or the screw pierces the mine sweeper with the echoing of Quaid’s voice screaming “Screw you!”, for Wedge would not want you to. It is in his firing that Wedge will become his full potential, his actualized self. To keep him from this is tantamount to showing a child a box of Malley’s chocolate covered macadamia nuts and withholding them above the child’s head, out of his reach while you devour each beautifully created piece in front of him.

The great Gestalt psychiatrist Fritz Perls would look upon those demanding Wedge remains unfired and decry, “Living a life that is not based on the truth of oneself, in this world leads to feelings of dread, guilt and anxiety. Through his firing he will come to the foreground, be completed, and can disappear into the background anew and whole”. Rollo May, an existentialist, would argue that only through failure can Wedge achieve personality development of authenticity and individuality, and what greater failure than being fired can there be for Wedge? May would go on to say, “Sooner or later the person recognizes, through failures, that commitments cannot be made forever and that the relationship between principles and any particular persons or events is problematical.” Through his firing he will gain a greater perspective, new perceptions.

Much like the vision of Banquo’s ghost forces Macbeth's attention, so does the ghosts of Lou Pinella, Billy Martin, Joe Torre, Charlie Manual in a unison of angels’ voices stating, “Because he is fired, he can be re-hired!”. So fear not the firing of Wedge, because it does not mean he will fade away into The Abyss starring Ed Harris. Like a child only being given the option of riding the “up” Power Tower at Cedar Point, we are holding Wedge away from the ultimate experience. His firing would not preclude him from being the manager of the Cleveland Indians, but only from being a better version of himself!

Just because the millions of paupers over at the Cleveland.com message boards are immune to understanding that changing the manager in baseball is about as effective in improving a team’s performance as using a comb over to hide their St. Anthony of Padua hairdo. An immunity that is much like Kevin Youkalis’ immunity to not smelling like unwashed cattle that have been force fed gold covered chocolate statues of Douchebag PEDrioa’s MVP trophy. Do not consider their cries for Wedge’s firing as reason to denounce such a move, rather see that in a round about way they are the bird and Wedge’s self-actualization through being fired is Fabio, a chance occurrence in time and space bringing them together for an immaculate explosion.

I’ll leave you to consider that a bomb only truly exists when it detonates, a swingline when it is applying a staple to paper, a Red Sox fan when popping his collar, a Celtic fan when complaining that the league is out to get them, a flower when it blooms, a butterfly when it emerges from the cocoon, Andrew shaking Weglarz’s hand down in spring training in 2011, the buff guy when he plays the sax, and finally Wedge when he is allowed to be fired!