Who Killed the Cleveland Indians? - part 1: John Adams
by APV on May 20, 2009 9:14 AM EDT
70 comments
Rumor on the street has it there's been a death. Witnesses report hearing two shots and sounds of a severe beating last night, and now the Cleveland Indians season has gone missing. While it can't be confirmed, the possibility of a homicide necessitates further investigation. Have no fear, loyal fans, I am on the case. In what will no doubt be a long and grueling investigation (or at least till October), I'll explore if the Indians season is dead and if so, who is to blame.
First suspect: John Adams (see above)
Suspicious traits: Mustache, perpetual optimism, unoriginal name
Weapon of choice: Never-ending drum beats
Potential alibi: Those drum mallets look soft-coated...
Motive: If it was Adams, it was probably voluntary manslaughter. He seems to mean well with his faithful and unending drum beats. And from seats behind home plate the echo of his drums are great. But then again...the portion of the Indians team in closest proximity to Adams is the bullpen, Grady Sizemore, and our LFers. Needless to say this is not the highest performing group. Perhaps Adams drumbeat, like the unceasing beat of Poe's Tell-tale heart, has produced a kind of sonic fatigue damage in the ears, the center of balance, of this critical portion of the team.
Likelihood: Slim, but suspicious....
Up Next: Slider (hmmm....Raffy Perez seems to be missing his slider....)
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My prime suspect is Luis Issac and his voodoo magic.
by FallsTribeFan on May 20, 2009 9:31 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Yes, very well-played
I'm *always* in the driver's seat, cugino -- Chuck
by Turkmenbashi on May 20, 2009 10:21 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
My suspect is the new field sponsor…Progressive. Their stock is down 11% since buying naming rights. Analysts believe we should see a recovery in the second quarter of next year.
by ShawnK on May 20, 2009 10:16 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Being down 11% in this market is tantamount to being up a quarter.
by jhon on May 20, 2009 2:33 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Does Pie=Grit?
"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge..." C. Darwin
by Spidey on May 20, 2009 2:26 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
what’s our record since LGT started showing up on Yahoo?
by Brick. on May 20, 2009 10:28 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Yeah. Totally add this.
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Force quit and move to trash.
by vbc3 on May 20, 2009 10:33 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Our record ever since those Pure Michigan™ ads showed up on the radio last year is highly suspicious.
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Force quit and move to trash.
by vbc3 on May 20, 2009 10:37 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Don’t forget Hola Hola Hola Fruta…
Professional Lurker. Non-Baseball Posting Specialist.
by fingolfin on May 20, 2009 10:47 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
those mighta been around in 07. 07!!!
FE WEE
by westbrook on May 20, 2009 12:18 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Didn’t remember hearing it before last year.
Professional Lurker. Non-Baseball Posting Specialist.
by fingolfin on May 20, 2009 4:31 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
When did they start the whole Panini Cam nonsense?
Juan Salas: Smartest man in baseball?
by emd2k3 on May 20, 2009 11:00 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Perhaps picking up two Cubs in the off-season cursed us?
-Erik
by drerikbrady on May 20, 2009 11:01 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I’m just saying, the suck has expanded to ridiculous proportions. We weren’t playing anywhere near this bad at the end of last season.
-Erik
by drerikbrady on May 20, 2009 11:09 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Very true. Perhaps Kerry Wood’s goatee is made up of billy goat hair.
by ShawnK on May 20, 2009 11:17 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
but he walked the bases loaded because he didn’t shave off the flavor saver.
by Brick. on May 21, 2009 12:36 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Borowski was an ex-Cub, too.
by Stinky McDingus on May 20, 2009 11:36 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I am anxiously awaiting the rest of the series.
Juan Salas: Smartest man in baseball?
by emd2k3 on May 20, 2009 11:01 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Matt Underwood
Rafeal Betancourt giving up a 2 run homer to Dustin Pedroia on October 21st, 2007
by Toxicadam on May 20, 2009 11:37 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I am going to say Adams is innocent since he doesn’t travel with the team
by Roger Dorn on May 20, 2009 12:08 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Good point. This should eliminate Slider, too.
"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge..." C. Darwin
by Spidey on May 20, 2009 2:27 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
It could be the Korbel Curse:
“The champagne tastes just as good on the road as it does at home.” – Ryan Garko
by ShawnK on May 20, 2009 12:10 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Alison Spitzer?
Or … dare I say … the Ciabatta did it!
by FallsTribeFan on May 20, 2009 12:11 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I have several nominees:
1) The Marshall Plan
2) Killer Smog
3) Dewey Beats Truman
4) Operation Magic Carpet
5) The South Island Takahe
6) The ouster of president Romulo Betancourt
7) The musical Kiss Me Kate
8) A child-eating pack of Russian wolves.
by NickFantana on May 20, 2009 12:12 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I’m guessing none of these are on the list.
FE WEE
by westbrook on May 20, 2009 12:19 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I’ll bet Brandini knows what’s wrong with this team.
-Erik
by drerikbrady on May 20, 2009 12:19 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Great idea, Erik. Let’s blame Gregorio Rosario.
by fleerdon on May 20, 2009 12:33 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Hmmm… Brandini and e5?
"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge..." C. Darwin
by Spidey on May 20, 2009 2:28 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
No, E5 only knew about pissing people off.
-Erik
by drerikbrady on May 20, 2009 2:40 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Actually, I just got in a discussion with E5 about the Indians on Fear the Sword (Cavs blog) last night. Get this — he told me I don’t know REAL BASEBALL. Seriously. So he hasn’t changed.
by Buckeye Brad on May 20, 2009 6:57 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I can’t respect anyone who switches team allegiance because they got banned from a sports blog
by Roger Dorn on May 21, 2009 12:05 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
The World Baseball Classic killed the Indians. Again.
by woodsmeister on May 20, 2009 12:37 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
If Dr. Kevorkian isn’t on the list, he ought to be. Also, I’m sure Wedge would want you to add Marte.
"Lotta heart in Cleveland." - Ian Hunter
by Denver Tribe Fan on May 20, 2009 12:55 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I nominate the 2009 Maple Street Press Indians Annual.
Grady with the cover jinx, even.
by still ill on May 20, 2009 1:14 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
rec
Well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
by Jay on May 21, 2009 9:18 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
“Sizemore is ready to lead the Indians to a championship” :(
“Kerry Wood to the rescue in 2009” :(
There is a Santa Claus, and he’s in Detroit on May 2nd
by Clevo's Finest on May 20, 2009 2:29 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
That might be putting it a bit too high
Waiting for Rondon.
by Gradyforpresident on May 20, 2009 2:57 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
It was the salmon mousse.
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Force quit and move to trash.
by vbc3 on May 20, 2009 2:58 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
But I didn’t eat the salmon mousse!
by woodsmeister on May 20, 2009 4:11 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I think John “did nothing wrong”…….however, my vote goes to the fricking state of Arizona and their slick spring training sites…….
by shenvalee on May 20, 2009 3:12 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Oh man, absolutely. FIRE GOODYEAR.
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Force quit and move to trash.
by vbc3 on May 20, 2009 4:29 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Is our old friend Sal on the list?
I just wanted to believe.
by mjmarble on May 20, 2009 3:12 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I just had a Dodgers fan tell me how much he likes Casey Blake. I wanted to punch him.
by Cols714 on May 20, 2009 4:12 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
The fan or Blake?
"It's hard to win when you don't score." Cliff Lee, 9/28/05.
by Harry Doyle on May 20, 2009 6:14 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
We’ve stunk since Game 4 of the 2007 ALCS…oddly enough my last trip to Cleveland. I should really make my triumphant return soon.
by supermarioelia on May 20, 2009 5:37 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Spring training move
The Winter Haven curse.
by SpringTrainingFun on May 20, 2009 5:40 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
There is nobody to blame. There is no suspect or anything. The Cleveland Indians did this to himself, ala Fight Club scene outside the bar, except in this case, there was a gun. It’s a self-inflicted pain for playing baseball.
by jayme on May 20, 2009 9:17 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
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