I advocated for this before, but it’s time to stop pretending like Herges is any good. Not that we have another option

And I imagine game threads have pretty much become Mad Libs.

At 30-44, Wedge is keeping pace with his 2003 rookie season.

However, this year he is in 5th place instead of 4th and farther out of 1st place
(now 12 games).

Perez was pinch-hit for in the 9th…if you wanted to keep the option open for him to pitch the 9th, Wedge would’ve had to double switch when he came in.

In news at Columbus, it looks like Masa Kobayashi has been watching what’s going on in the bullpen in Cleveland and decided to try to fit in the best way he knew with a 2-run lead going to the bottom of the 9th…

    * Pitcher Change: Masa Kobayashi replaces Vinnie Chulk.
    * Justin Huber homers (9) on a fly ball to left field.
    * Danny Valencia homers (1) on a fly ball to left field.
    * David Winfree flies out to left fielder Mickey Hall.
    * Dustin Martin doubles (10) on a line drive to right fielder Trevor Crowe.
    * Masa Kobayashi intentionally walks Brock Peterson.
    * Jeff Christy walks. Dustin Martin to 3rd. Brock Peterson to 2nd.
    * Coaching visit to mound.
    * Tommy Watkins singles on a line drive to right fielder Trevor Crowe. Dustin Martin scores. Brock Peterson to 3rd. Jeff Christy to 2nd.

I choose the option that takes you to page 99 that says:

Wake up! This whole season has been a really bad dream. It is now April 6 and Cliff Lee will be pitching against the Rangers today.

I will also be very surprised if Wedge makes it out of the next 10 days. At this point, I think the basic credibility of the team demands a change.

Those books were bomb, but I always died. It always resulted in me trapt in some basement or falling down a flight of stairs.

What in tarnations?! We lost again? Dagnabit, those sons of an onion!

Clue > Choose your own adventure

Choose your own adventure books were all based on chance and no logic. You could choose the most viable and sensible path and end up dead in a ditch, while the most absurd choice would get you home safely. Nonsense!

at least those stupid axe ads are history

More bad news:

The season probably is over for Captains right fielder Abner Abreu. He injured his left shoulder while attempting to make a diving catch during the June 21 road game in New Jersey against the Lakewood BlueClaws.

Abreu was placed on the disabled list before Thursday’s game. His loss will be keenly felt. The 19-year-old native of the Dominican Republic topped the Captains with a .305 average in the first half. He had team-high totals of 75 hits, 16 doubles and 35 runs scored.

Abner, like Wegz, had turned around a horrible April to rapidly become the best (and youngest) hitter on the Lake County team and had made a good transition to the outfield. At least its his left shoulder.

i was at the game tonite, and boy, is ryan’s theme apt … when cliffton walked in the tying run, yeah, it was merely a question of How, not If

that being understood, i had a great time – great seats, nice little park & nice fans, a yuengling, choo scoring victor from first, &c.

the outcome, once expected, was no more or less than the end of another game

Got to hand it to Ryan. The Tribe loses and I sigh (or sob) and go to bed. With Ryan, the Tribe loses and he has to relive the whole game and write something witty about a team that’s pathetic and getting pathetic-er.

My friend and I predated the choose your own adventures with something we called Instant D&D. I have immortalized one of Kirk’s best efforts by placing a Kirk Hasenmueller Instant Adventure on my website for the world’s enjoyment.

I must have had 3 dozen of those books during my childhood……

Very clever write up. With as bad as things are right now for the Indians (really all three Cleveland teams, Browns rebuilding, despite Shaq, LeBron probably leaving no matter what due to Stern/Nike/ESPN tampering) Nothing else to do at this point but laugh. We need more laughter to keep us all sane!

It’s a little weird, because even though we knew the pen was going to blow it, it was really the offense’s loss, right?*

So I thought, how many times has our offense been held down this year? I picked 4 runs. You can certainly win when you score 4 runs, but it takes a special performance from your pitchers/defense. If this offense score 4 runs or less, they haven’t done their job.

Anyway, 32 games (out of 74), the offense has been held to 4 runs or less.

How about the pitching staff? How many times has it failed as unit. I’m going with 6 or more runs here. Again, you can win if the staff gives up 6 runs, but it takes some serious work by your bats. If a staff gives up 6 runs or more in a game, they’ve taken a big step toward a loss.

In 33 games (out of 74), the pitching defense has given up 6 runs or more.

Pretty close on the failure rates. Maybe I ’m being too strict with the offense, but with this roster specifically, it is supposed to be an offense-led team.

*Note: Given a longer 9th, the pen may have allowed many more runs.

Hello Ryan,

I remember those CYOA books clearly – they were some of my favorites when my elementary school went to the library. I’d nearly pull every CYOA book off of the shelf that I could find. :-)

Regarding the Indians, and specifically the bullpen, CYOA seems to sum it up quite well. Right now, NO ONE, not even Wood, can be counted on to do his job and keep the opposition at bay. It’s essentially “pick your poison.”

It’s amazing at the time of the 2004 and 2006 bullpens that we thought they were bad; compared to this 2009 bullpen, those bullpens are either full of “Cy Young” contenders or, if the “bullpen from he**” is the worst one of all, then the 2004 and 2006 versions must have just been “bullpens from purgatory,” with the 2009 bullpen being the “bullpen from he**.”

This is interesting stuff. Thanks for all the number crunching. It debunks one of the self-pitying things I believed in.