Dysfunction At The Bat: A Short Play
by afh4 on Jul 1, 2009 4:46 AM EDT
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You know who I’ll miss the most if Wedge is fired? LGT Jeff Datz.
Though I look right at home, I still feel like an exile
by Manhattan Tribe Fan on Jul 1, 2009 8:03 AM EDT reply actions
I had the exact same thought.
"Lotta heart in Cleveland." - Ian Hunter
by Denver Tribe Fan on Jul 1, 2009 9:27 AM EDT up reply actions
I’m more of a “wear jersey and play” guy. Don’t know why but I love that.
by jakesinger777 on Jul 1, 2009 12:23 PM EDT up reply actions
I never put two and two together before. Wedge is George W. Bush!
by cleveland teamer on Jul 1, 2009 9:16 AM EDT reply actions
I think John Leguizamo could kill as Peralta when this production finally hits the Peekskills.
by shobe on Jul 1, 2009 9:20 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
But Jhonny hasn’t changed.
He’s the same. Every day.
by jhon on Jul 1, 2009 10:05 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Your creativity never ceases to amaze Andrew. Somebody hire this guy and let him write a sitcom. It would even funnier than The Office.
-Erik
WEDGE
Hey, Franciscoster, I thought you made some real nice plays out there today!
PERALTA
Yeah, I liked when you struck out. Also, when you showed poor range.
[Everyone laughs except for FRANCISCO and WEDGE.]
Legit LOL. Nasty looks from co-workers and everything. Andrew with another stunning triumph.
Hmm, thought this was the only weak spot. Peralta showing too much awareness in talking about range.
I pronounce it, Francis Coaster.
Well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
by Jay on Jul 1, 2009 11:06 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Yeah, I recognized the continuity disconnect but I liked the rest of it too much.
For the record, I am undecided on how to pronounce Franciscoster.
I’m sorry that you suck at baseball. :) Love it.
by jakesinger777 on Jul 1, 2009 12:24 PM EDT up reply actions
Do you see this JP character as the same one from the “paralysis” article? Or is it two different visions?
Well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
by Jay on Jul 1, 2009 2:17 PM EDT up reply actions
It’s definitely the same one who wrote the note from the future to himself. I think he probably is the same as the paralysis JP, though paralysis JP was largely parroting things that his doctor’s had told him, at least as he heard them.
I mean:
“I will be able to play better when I am moving my left arm,” Peralta said.
That’s the same Jhonny, though a younger, more optimistic one.
I think the snide comments towards Franciscoster might also indicate that Peralta is using language as an excuse and in fact has a better grasp about what’s happening than he lets on. He just doesn’t want to deal with everyone’s nonsense all the time.
Very interesting.
Well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
by Jay on Jul 1, 2009 2:32 PM EDT up reply actions
I think it’s probably fair to say that fanfic JP had a chance to develop into a place of normalcy but his handling by Wedge has disconnected further and further from reality. At this point, he’s like something out of an Oliver Sacks’ book, at least to me.
Why is it that Jhonny is our favorite character?
I mean, he’s like The Beav out there.
Well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
by Jay on Jul 1, 2009 2:41 PM EDT up reply actions
Well, over the last few years I can remember basically a handful of interesting quotes. This latest JP one is definitely at the top of the list, even over that weird Blake-Hafner co-profile that was all about arguing over music during carpool.
In all seriousness… If Jhonny really doesn’t care about his performance, then he’s a jerk. And if he does care deeply and takes all of these criticisms to heart, then I feel sorry for him, because a lot of the grief he’s received is unearned. So as a fan who appreciates the bulk of his contributions, it’s easiest for me to picture him as hard-working but sweetly oblivious. I get to like him, but I don’t have to ignore his faults. Best of both worlds.
by fleerdon on Jul 1, 2009 11:03 PM EDT up reply actions
On the other hand, he’s a multi-millionaire and he plays baseball for a living, so my sympathy only goes so far.
by fleerdon on Jul 1, 2009 11:06 PM EDT up reply actions
God, I almost forgot about note from the future Jhonny. Hilarious.
"Lotta heart in Cleveland." - Ian Hunter
by Denver Tribe Fan on Jul 1, 2009 3:33 PM EDT up reply actions
For those in the dark on these old references … here’s paralysis Jhonny, and this is future Jhonny:
(Full story here.)
Well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
Was the paralysis Jhonny in the onion? I might be insane, but I thought I remembered reading it there.
I know this, sweet brick. I’m asking: Jay, did this story get sourced anywhere else? I remember reading this but wasn’t on LGT at the time.
Great call on the Carroll line. Context is everything.
by fleerdon on Jul 1, 2009 3:28 PM EDT up reply actions
CLEVELAND, OH, July 13 /PRNewswire/ ALL FUTURE PERFORMANCES OF DYSFUNCTION AT THE BAT TO BE CANCELLED
Due to disappointing results, the management of Cleveland Indians Theater announced today that all future performances of Dysfunction at the Bat have been cancelled. The show, which debuted at the theater’s venue at 2401 Ontario Street in Cleveland on March 31, 2003, achieved its greatest success in 2007.
Theater management announced that a revised production, featuring most of the original cast, will premiere on July 16, 2009. Refunds for tickets to Dysfunction at the Bat will not be offered, but tickets will be honored for performances of the new production.
This is just a regularly scheduled setback
-Erik
by drerikbrady on Jul 1, 2009 11:37 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
WEDGE
Jhonny Antonio Peralta! You apologize to the Franciscoster right now!
PERALTA
I am sorry that you suck at baseball.
That’s my favorite part. And:
I am going to start losing games on purpose because I hate you.
PERALTA
Yay! Someone else hates that man!
Hilarious.
Who needs affection when you can have blind hatred?
Nobody writes (non) routine plays like Andrew.
"Lotta heart in Cleveland." - Ian Hunter
by Denver Tribe Fan on Jul 1, 2009 11:43 AM EDT reply actions
Awesome! Rec!
My favorites:
Baboo: What can I do to help the team?
Jh: I am sorry that you suck at baseball.
What about if we started hitting other team’s players? Like on purpose? CHRIS PEREZ enters
I am going to start losing games on purpose because I hate you. / Yay! Someone else hates that man!
Proud Fan of the Worst Baseball Team I've Ever Seen
Proud Fan of the Worst Baseball Team I've Ever Seen
by westbrook on Jul 1, 2009 12:12 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
There’s a lot of us here
Trade Cliff.
by Gradyforpresident on Jul 1, 2009 3:40 PM EDT up reply actions
PERALTA
Sometimes. One time it worked for a whole year. I am trying to “run into one.” That’s what the man shouting all the time wants. For me to “run into one.”
This may be effective..but I think Jhonny should just get hit by pitches to get on base…
Clone Grady 25 times and we will win the World Serious in 2040
by biscuitsandgrady on Jul 1, 2009 12:29 PM EDT reply actions
No one’s giving any love to the stage direction:
[Enter LEE. Room becomes hushed.]
Though I look right at home, I still feel like an exile
by Manhattan Tribe Fan on Jul 1, 2009 1:26 PM EDT reply actions
This is the one that made me cover my eyes and snicker:
PERALTA
I would not listen to that man. We do not know who he is.
-Erik
That is probably my favorite line. I got a real laugh out of the whole thing overall. Great work Andrew. I’ve been working on a Mamet rewrite dealing with our pitching staff (particularly the bullpen) but after reading this I think I may give it up.
Anything involving a Mamet rewrite should be pushed forward with alacrity. I myself have always wanted to somehow insert our players into Arcardia by Stoppard, just for the sheer weirdness of it.
Hah. Yes, that would be quite a strange read. I bet you could fit our ball club right in there, though. Have you ever seen Arcadia performed? It’s one I’ve always wanted to see on stage.
Yeah, one of my best friends (if I can brag for a second) is an exceptionally talented and successful stage actor in Chicago, especially for his age, and he was in Arcadia at the Court Theatre down at University of Chicago. He also was just in the first Chicago staging of Stoppard’s new one, Rock and Roll.
Anyway, Arcadia is really interesting live, though it certainly helps to have read it. While he was doing it I learned there is this small but dedicated group of people who literally travel around and see the play all over the country. It has this odd following, though I guess that’s logical considering how much more “important” it is than other Stoppard.
“… concerning the relationship between past and present and between order and disorder and the certainty of knowledge. "
The above from a description of Arcadia from Wikipedia; It would make a good sub text next to the LGT! header.
Arcadia is probably the play I most enjoyed reading. I saw a fantastic production of it at Western Michigan University a number of years ago…outstanding.
by APV on Jul 2, 2009 2:48 AM EDT up reply actions
stoppard
It was Stoppard, after all, who said to an interviewer, “But enough about me. What do you think of my work?”
by just a bit outside on Jul 1, 2009 3:46 PM EDT reply actions
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