Early Weekend Six-Pack (7/9/09)

As we all know, 2009 has been a rough season.  Our pitchers are injured or not very good (apologies to Phifer), our hitters are inconsistent, our manager would be on the hot seat if our GM wasn't attached to him, our GM is attached to the embattled coach, and on and on and on. 

So I could have signed up to do one of these and looked for positives or talked about Hector Rondon and Jeanmar Gomez and other guys not even on the ML roster.  But heck, I wouldn't have signed up to do that.

So to avoid being like Stark and sitting here and spouting out numbers of how much our team has sucked, I present you with a little comedy.  More specifically, photoshop comedy.

To Jay's credit, he probably still has no clue what this is, and that's fine.  Maybe that means he's the only one left here with any amount of sanity.

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June 1: Mario, come on... his name is "Justin."

(not to single you out, but I wanted an instance of "Joba" from that stupid game he pitched against us recently)

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June 2

I swear you’d think the trainer’s room is staffed by Jessica Alba.

Yep, it's true. Our injury report has grown so rapidly that the font size on the TV injury report needed to be lowered by 80 percent. Unfortunately, people are calling in to the station en masse complaining. Unfortunately, they thought the season was still alive.

Yeah, I realize Perez wasn't yet infected on June 2, but you can always retroactively assume these things. Also, to me at least, this one was a lot funnier on June 29 when I made it. S Phillips? Why? I musta been watching Monday Night Baseball and he musta said something stupid.

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Avril Lavigne rising from Hafner's ashes

June 5: A young Tribe fan finds some ashes lying on the ground. She doesn't know whose they are at first because she was too caught up in the moment to look three feet to her left. Once she stops crying she sees the jersey, and realizes what has happened. Being the wonderful Tribe fan she is, she starts crying again, knowing that He From 2006 will not be returning. She then heads off to leave a tearful comment on the Girlfriend youtube video, but CRAP! she isn't registered.

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I'm afraid not. Although, if we can get an LGT produced movie going on, JRontherim and Logodaedalus switching bodies will be super!

June 13: JRontherim and Logodaedalus switch bodies. Not sure about the process, but the result was super!

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June 27: Ryan Garko senses that the team might be finally coming to its senses (as in not so much playing time) so he dresses like a vampire and starts calling himself Count Garkula.  Nobody can figure out why his head suddenly bobbles uncontrollably whenever somebody touches it.  Equally disturbing is that teammates are touching his head.

... then somebody thinks it would be funny to glue his feet to a base and label him.  Those who might want his PT? Victor/Shoppach, Andyman, and sadly, Matt LaPorta and high school teammate Ben Francisco.

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June 28: The day the Indians began their road to contraction!

Sowers, Perez1, Lee, & Wood cannot pitch cannot make it without the help of the team. Then we can start trading the worst players like Peralta, Val, Carroll, Garko, Gut, Shop, & Choo which is a different issue pertaining to alot of errors that have been and still going on for the team, which by coincidence we also in need of most talent MLB for years to come.

Yes, that's right! For a limited time only you can be the proud owner of some first-rate crap*. Sowers, Perez1, Lee*, & Wood cannot pitch cannot make it without the help of the team. So you should want them on yours! We're 99% guaranteed to deal our worst players like Peralta, Val, Carroll, Garko†, Gut, Shop, & Choo which is a different issue pertaining to alot of errors that have been and still going on for the team, such as the fact that we just lost any and all leverage that we had... which by coincidence we also in need of most talent MLB for years to come. How ironic.

* Note that Lee is the cheapest of the bunch. He sucks. All we really need back is the money that he costs for this year and next because we have such a cheap owner.

† This guy can play all over the diamond. He's a tremendous athlete and could play CF in a pinch. He can also catch and pinch-run for a Molina. We need a boatload in return for this guy so that our fanbase can understand so many RBIs being on the way out.

Also Note that Jamey comes with the hearts.

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