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What Cliff Lee's Not Reading

Cliff Lee: Willful in more ways than you realize.

More photos » David Richard - AP

Cliff Lee: Willful in more ways than you realize.

Editor's Note: This piece was written way back in April and then shelved for a couple of different reasons. With Cliff's departure, it seemed a shame to totally kill the idea especially when I thought it might make a difficult couple of weeks a little easier. Just to be clear, I never meant for this to be disrespectful of Cliff Lee, his demeanor or intelligence. It was just an opportunity to riff a little bit on what I had always thought was one of the funniest quotes I'd ever read.

Dennis Manoloff: Favorite book?

Cliff Lee: I don't think I've read a book in my life, to be honest.

Who was it that wrote "April is the cruelest month"? Cliff Lee doesn't know the answer and doesn't care. The reigning Cy Young winner's goals for April were simple: locate his fastball, go deep in ballgames, and help the Indians win. Oh, and one other thing: not read The Road by Cormac McCarthy.

"This season, I'm trying to pick one book every month and make sure that I don't read it. I wanted to start off with a good one and somebody told me that The Road was really heavy [stuff], like post-apocalyptic, so I figured that seemed like a good book to steer clear of."

Lee was a bit surprised when he saw that McCarthy's novel was so highly regarded. "I mean, I pick it up and it's got those little stickers on the front-Pulitzer Prize, Oprah Book, all that. I thought to myself, '[Crap] this thing must be pretty readable. This is going to be harder than I thought.' But, for the most part, I was able to achieve my goal."

The hard-throwing Arkansas native links his not reading of The Road to some of the strides he's made in the early parts of the season. "Well, you know I had such a bad first start and I was just racking my brain, what went wrong? Then I realized I had actually been reading some of that stupid book. I was down there in Texas and it was real dusty and [stuff] and I just thought, I don't know what I was thinking, but I probably read a solid 10-15 pages of that thing."

Lee acted quickly and made sure that he didn't read any more of the book. He instructed the clubhouse attendants to "put his [butt] around his elbows" if they saw him reading and he explicitly asked his wife, Kristen, to pound on the bathroom door if he took more than 4 minutes. "I'm normally pretty fast, so I figured four minutes would be enough. There were a couple of times when I had to shout back out though, like, 'I'm not reading! I'm [stuffing]!' It was kind of weird."

"Looking back on it, I was on the mound in Texas and I kept thinking about like "What the [heck] is going on in that book? What does it mean to be human? Are we defined by the infrastructures that surround us or by something more basic, intrinsic? And as I'm thinking, really contemplating this stuff, I'm just getting pounded. It was affecting my concentration. Next time out against Toronto, I was still trying to shake some of it-in the second and third innings especially I kept thinking about how McCarthy refused to use conventional punctuation and what that might've meant about the worldview he was creating. And, [shoot] was it ever messing me up."

By his outstanding starts in New York and back at home against Kansas City, Cliff Lee had left that little bit of reading far in the past. "All I was thinking was, 'Hey ball, go over there and just barely pass over the corner of that white thing.' And you know what? It felt good. Felt normal."

Though The Road had some bumps in it for Lee, he mostly felt like it was a productive month of non-reading. "You know I learned a little about tricks to help me not read, things like turning on the television, eating an extra sandwich when I felt the urge to read, stuff like that. It's definitely going to help me going forward because I'm trying to do this every month."

Lee is unsure which book he is going to endeavor to not read in the month of May but he has some ideas. "Somebody suggested Twilight, and that seemed like a decent choice because I like vampires but I probably don't like them enough to read about them. Plus there's a movie if I really get the itch. I'm also thinking about Awaken the Giant Within because that's supposed to be motivational and I feel pretty motivated right now so, easy, right?" Who knows what book Lee will choose but one thing is clear: he's not going to read it.

14 recs  |  Comment 28 comments |

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Comments

Display:

Awesome.

-Erik

by drerikbrady on Aug 5, 2009 9:13 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Onionesque. Nice work, afh4.

by Wil Cantrell on Aug 5, 2009 9:20 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

this made me laugh. nice work.

by Cap'n Snegiryov on Aug 5, 2009 9:27 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Glad to see you decided to finally post it. Great stuff.

by Brick. on Aug 5, 2009 9:32 AM EDT via mobile reply actions   0 recs

This sounds a lot like me

"You are an LGT success story" -- Jay

by Turkmenbashi on Aug 5, 2009 9:56 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Based on his answer, he may also not be interested in “Radical Honesty: How To Transform Your Life By Telling The Truth”.

Really, though, it’s funny how much pride people take in being active readers, when really most people read very few to no leisure books (does paperback airport fodder with Mad Lib story lines count?). Anyway, I applaud SK for being honest, and not just mentioning some required college reading in order to testify to his intellect. Good man.

Andrew, The Onion writers have nothing on you (not that I’ve ever read one).

by Thommy on Aug 5, 2009 10:01 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Now that Cliff is in Philadelphia, here are some books he can decline to read:

        

by FredOx on Aug 5, 2009 10:02 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Haven’t posted much since I was moving on deadline day, but this is fantastic. The Onion hasn’t been this good in years.

Though I look right at home, I still feel like an exile

by Manhattan Tribe Fan on Aug 5, 2009 10:27 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Rec.

I’m struggling to imagine the words “post-apocalyptic” emerging from Cliff’s mouth.

We’re all going to be so proud when Andrew hits the big time, though we’ll sure miss him here.

"Lotta heart in Cleveland." - Ian Hunter

by Denver Tribe Fan on Aug 5, 2009 10:44 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Good stuff, as always.

by fwembt on Aug 5, 2009 11:28 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Funny stuff, thanks Andrew.

And they are going to make a movie out of the road, with Viggo Mortensen. The images look fantastic, but still, I’ll get up on that tired soap box and say: please, please, please, do we really need to make a movie out this book? Let it be. Once the movie is out there, it can never be taken back.

by dgcambridge on Aug 5, 2009 12:58 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I hated that book, and i generally really like McCarthy stuff

by APV on Aug 5, 2009 1:03 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

I feel that way about Outer Dark.

by dgcambridge on Aug 5, 2009 1:16 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Partially filmed in Erie, PA.

The once and future

by Manhattan Tribe Fan on Aug 5, 2009 1:27 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

I’ll guess that the Erie Tourist Authority would chose to ignore that fun fact.

by dgcambridge on Aug 5, 2009 1:32 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Yeah, it’s like a depressing tour of Western Pennsylvania:

Director John Hillcoat filmed in the old Benkovitz warehouse in the Strip District, on miles of closed roads near Breezewood, in Saxonburg, New Galilee, Raccoon Creek State Park, Braddock, McKeesport and in coal country. After pulling up stakes in Pittsburgh in late April 2008, the production moved to additional locations, including Lake Erie, New Orleans, Mount St. Helens and Oregon.

by FredOx on Aug 5, 2009 2:00 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

As a former resident of Erie, PA, I apologize to all viewers for having to witness the “other” mistake on the lake.

great.

by themadlibs on Aug 7, 2009 12:58 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Oh, and there’s a typo in your intro. Funniest.

by dgcambridge on Aug 5, 2009 12:59 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Suggestion: “What, Cliff? – Lee’s not reading.”

by Thommy on Aug 5, 2009 1:10 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

This is a super post. Also reminded me of the questions LGT asked of the fellow who wanted to sell to Cliff Lee the childhood home/farm of Cy Young, in eastern Ohio, including how far was it to the nearest public library.

by Deep South Ken on Aug 5, 2009 2:51 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

YES! — forgot about that.

This is Victor's home. Victor Jose, you too.

by westbrook on Aug 5, 2009 4:49 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Awesome. Legit lol at the 4 minutes thing.

This is Victor's home. Victor Jose, you too.

by westbrook on Aug 5, 2009 4:49 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

i didn’t know he knew the word “intrinsic” either. who knew? it’s too bad it took him getting traded for me to find out the speed with which Cliffy can lay a deuce.

by Ockus_NYC on Aug 5, 2009 5:53 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Twilight. ha He probably doesn’t like the vampires in there near enough to read all about them.

Who needs affection when you can have blind hatred?

by ClemsonGirl on Aug 5, 2009 6:49 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I woke up this rainy morning after a boring sports day (who thought that Barca would destroy the Seattle Sounders?), read the Buffum conversation and read this article. They both legitimately made me laugh.

Thank you very much

by AllenSmith on Aug 6, 2009 9:11 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

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