So Long, Captain Phil!

"Captain Phil had a stroke off-loading king crab; he's in the hospital now." While not "East wind, rain" or "We have met the enemy and they are ours," that brief text from fwembt on January 29 informing me that Phil Harris - captain of the Cornelia Maria on Discovery Channel's Deadliest Catch - should go down in the annals of history. Phil, who had flirted with death during king crab season the past two years, succumbed to the effects of his stroke and went the way of all flesh on February 9.

Fast forward a little over two months, to the start of Deadliest Catch on Discovery, and a miracle has occured! Not only is Phil alive, but he's on the crab! At the end of Tuesday's episode, after an incredibly successful and lucrative season of crabbing, Phil looked over his crew and announced, "You don't have to worry about me going anywhere for a long while."

 The sad fact is that, despite his assurances, I know Captain Phil is going to suffer a stroke in the next episode, and very soon will be dead. I've had to repeat that all season, as I've watched him motor along like the Captain Phil of old: "Captain Phil is already dead." As has been my wont of late, I have no doubt left you wondering, "What, if anything, does this have to do with the Tribe?" Well hold fast, dear reader, and I will endeavor to lift the wool from your eyes.

For the purposes of this metaphor, the Indians' baseballing fortunes are analogous to Captain Phil's disposition. Like Phil, we have struggled over the past couple of years. The seeds to the disaster in front of us have been sown over time. Much as I knew before his unshaven face appeared on channel 278 (DirecTV) that Phil was dead, we as fans buried 2010 sometime in the middle of 2009.

But, like the Philnix (get it? it's a combination of Phil and Phoenix), we made a mirage of arising from our own ashes. We're 2-1! It's a robot that shuts you down! Fausto is back! Wait until we start hitting! We've got a shot in a division this weak, right?! Even earlier this week someone on this very site floated the idea that we could have been "six back, with momentum!"

We're not, and we couldn't have been. I understand the natural inclination to watch the standings, to get excited about wins and disgusted with losses, to hope. Deep down, I too harbored some desire for this season to turn into a miracle run from the gutter to the playoffs, but there's a reason nobody expects a "rebuilding" team to do that. We are currently a roster full of has-beens and never-weres, with a few guys who may or may not be the future up here waiting for the next wave to arrive. We'll win some, lose plenty, and occassionally throw away a game in a manner that rips your heart out. So please, enjoy the games, pull for the Tribe, watch Santana's clock, and pray for Chisenhall's labrum. But remember, for your sanity and mine, no matter how things may look at any point this season, Captain Phil is already dead.