LeVon Washington was the 55th overall pick in the 2010 draft, and the Indians paid significantly overslot to procure his services. Thus far, Washington has struggled as a player. On the other hand, he's shown himself to be an 80-grade personality and, especially, Twitter-user. All Levon Washington quotes are real.
That man, there in the baseball uniform—is he hurt?
Oh, oh no. He doesn't appear to be breathing. Oh my god.
I'm a doctor but even I am helpless in the face of fate. Hand me your coat so we can cover his face.
YALL GOTTA WAKE ME UP BY STICKING SKITTLES DOWN MY THROAT
[PASSERSBY hang mouths open in shock]
So, Doctor, I think I'm ready to go through with this. If I'm a match, I want to give my kidney to my wife.
We've thought about the risks. We think this is the right step.
Wonderful. We'll need to fill out a certain number of—
NEVER GIVE A GIRL MONEY, BLOOD, OR KIDNEYS.
He makes a good point...
No, don't listen to him, he's not a doctor! You'll need your wife's support when we do your angioplasty next month—you two need each other!
HEART ATTACK, STROKE, HEART DIESEASE.. AINT NO COMING BACK ONCE ARTIRiES START TO SQUEEZE.
[HUSBAND hangs head, leaves]
We're moments away from finishing the budget, and with only an hour left in this session of Congress!
Not only will we narrowly avoid a government shutdown that would leave many citizens without vital services, we're also delivering the first balanced budget in years!
We can all be incredibly proud of this hard work. We're changing the country in a positive way forever, just as soon as we make these final revisions.
I SUGGEST EVERYBODY STOP WHAT THEY DOING GO TO PUBLIX AND GET U SOME SPAGHETTIOS.[SENATORS glance around]COMMITTEE HEADAdjourned! See you next year!
Is everything ok here? We got a report of billowing smoke!
Just made the smoke alarm go off in my house.. its safe to say i'm doing work in the kitchen on these sausage
Ah, those sausages do look good. I'll let the guys at the station know you've got it under control.
AND U DONT GOTTA WORRY ABOUT ME WONDER WOMAN
[Disappointed WONDER WOMAN leaves in invisible jet]