#WashTime

Lwashington_jpg_medium

LeVon Washington was the 55th overall pick in the 2010 draft, and the Indians paid significantly overslot to procure his services. Thus far, Washington has struggled as a player. On the other hand, he's shown himself to be an 80-grade personality and, especially, Twitter-user. All Levon Washington quotes are real.

PASSERBY #1

That man, there in the baseball uniform—is he hurt?

PASSERBY #2

Oh, oh no. He doesn't appear to be breathing. Oh my god.

PASSERBY #1

I'm a doctor but even I am helpless in the face of fate. Hand me your coat so we can cover his face.

LEVON WASHINGTON

YALL GOTTA WAKE ME UP BY STICKING SKITTLES DOWN MY THROAT

[PASSERSBY hang mouths open in shock]

HUSBAND

So, Doctor, I think I'm ready to go through with this. If I'm a match, I want to give my kidney to my wife.

WIFE

We've thought about the risks. We think this is the right step.

DOCTOR

Wonderful. We'll need to fill out a certain number of—

LEVON WASHINGTON

NEVER GIVE A GIRL MONEY, BLOOD, OR KIDNEYS.

HUSBAND

He makes a good point...

DOCTOR

No, don't listen to him, he's not a doctor! You'll need your wife's support when we do your angioplasty next month—you two need each other!

LEVON WASHINGTON

HEART ATTACK, STROKE, HEART DIESEASE.. AINT NO COMING BACK ONCE ARTIRiES START TO SQUEEZE.

[HUSBAND hangs head, leaves]

SENATOR #1

We're moments away from finishing the budget, and with only an hour left in this session of Congress!

SENATOR #2

Not only will we narrowly avoid a government shutdown that would leave many citizens without vital services, we're also delivering the first balanced budget in years!

COMMITTEE HEAD

We can all be incredibly proud of this hard work. We're changing the country in a positive way forever, just as soon as we make these final revisions.

LEVON WASHINGTON

I SUGGEST EVERYBODY STOP WHAT THEY DOING GO TO PUBLIX AND GET U SOME SPAGHETTIOS.

[SENATORS glance around]

COMMITTEE HEAD
Adjourned! See you next year!

FIREMAN

Is everything ok here? We got a report of billowing smoke!

LEVON WASHINGTON

Just made the smoke alarm go off in my house.. its safe to say i'm doing work in the kitchen on these sausage

FIREMAN

Ah, those sausages do look good. I'll let the guys at the station know you've got it under control.

LEVON WASHINGTON

AND U DONT GOTTA WORRY ABOUT ME WONDER WOMAN

[Disappointed WONDER WOMAN leaves in invisible jet]

Photo Credit

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Let's Go Tribe

You must be a member of Let's Go Tribe to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Let's Go Tribe. You should read them.

Join Let's Go Tribe

You must be a member of Let's Go Tribe to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Let's Go Tribe. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker