LeVon Washington was the 55th overall pick in the 2010 draft, and the Indians paid significantly overslot to procure his services. Thus far, Washington has struggled as a player. On the other hand, he's shown himself to be an 80-grade personality and, especially, Twitter-user. All Levon Washington quotes are real.

PASSERBY #1

That man, there in the baseball uniform—is he hurt?

PASSERBY #2

Oh, oh no. He doesn't appear to be breathing. Oh my god.

PASSERBY #1

I'm a doctor but even I am helpless in the face of fate. Hand me your coat so we can cover his face.

LEVON WASHINGTON

YALL GOTTA WAKE ME UP BY STICKING SKITTLES DOWN MY THROAT

[PASSERSBY hang mouths open in shock]

HUSBAND

So, Doctor, I think I'm ready to go through with this. If I'm a match, I want to give my kidney to my wife.

WIFE

We've thought about the risks. We think this is the right step.

DOCTOR

Wonderful. We'll need to fill out a certain number of—

LEVON WASHINGTON

NEVER GIVE A GIRL MONEY, BLOOD, OR KIDNEYS.

HUSBAND

He makes a good point...

DOCTOR

No, don't listen to him, he's not a doctor! You'll need your wife's support when we do your angioplasty next month—you two need each other!

LEVON WASHINGTON

HEART ATTACK, STROKE, HEART DIESEASE.. AINT NO COMING BACK ONCE ARTIRiES START TO SQUEEZE.

[HUSBAND hangs head, leaves]

SENATOR #1

We're moments away from finishing the budget, and with only an hour left in this session of Congress!

SENATOR #2

Not only will we narrowly avoid a government shutdown that would leave many citizens without vital services, we're also delivering the first balanced budget in years!

COMMITTEE HEAD

We can all be incredibly proud of this hard work. We're changing the country in a positive way forever, just as soon as we make these final revisions.

LEVON WASHINGTON

I SUGGEST EVERYBODY STOP WHAT THEY DOING GO TO PUBLIX AND GET U SOME SPAGHETTIOS.

[SENATORS glance around]

COMMITTEE HEAD

Adjourned! See you next year!

FIREMAN

Is everything ok here? We got a report of billowing smoke!

LEVON WASHINGTON

Just made the smoke alarm go off in my house.. its safe to say i'm doing work in the kitchen on these sausage

FIREMAN

Ah, those sausages do look good. I'll let the guys at the station know you've got it under control.

LEVON WASHINGTON

AND U DONT GOTTA WORRY ABOUT ME WONDER WOMAN

[Disappointed WONDER WOMAN leaves in invisible jet]

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