Spring Training Haikus
by afh4 on Mar 14, 2011 9:25 AM EDT
in Humor
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Taking a nod from Kevin Goldstein's Organizational Ranking Haikus, and remembering that haikus are always fun, I set out to find the essence of our roster in poetry.
We traded Jhonny
In order to protect you.
Avoid fatties, please.
Pale, tall, knuckle curve
A ghost from Mississippi
Who will you haunt, Drew?
Raffy Perez
String bean as vampire
Count Raff-u-la drinks your blood
Fans and foes, either
Wait, who are you—Joe?
No, seriously, you're who?
Your name is Joe, right?
How did you get here?
Someone said you hit doubles;
OK, try that then.
Can't remember when
I last saw pure rage like that
Fastball-slider set.
Leaving Harry's Bar:
bad choice. But forgiveness is
A game-winning hit.
Big stuff, all around
This other Carlos is good
Stars with shared first names
EZ Zeke on base
Wow, four syllable first name
You can be Coco
Up for whatever.
Weren't you a top prospect, once?
Does that still matter?
Bearded atop mound
Outcomes the pitch—what is it?
Doesn't matter much
Outsiders know you
Increasing pressure to fail
Don't Marte on me
Giant Jamaican
So fast, dirty, nasty, sink
Hitting the backstop
Barrel chest, thick arms
Blacksmith on the hot corner
Stay hot and hammer
Those ladies you tweet,
I do not know them per se
But I would warn you.
Bright smile, big man
Your stick makes me dream of Belle
Don't slide headfirst, dude.
Don't use that fungo
Wait, that's your real bat, Marson?
Oh no—Oh no, no
So much Frankenstein
Did you meet Count Raff-u-la?
You two should hang out.
Frank Hermann
Big fastball and brain
Which one is worth more these days?
Can't tell, no offspeed
There's a new you, now.
Southern, taller, more pitches;
That two-seamer better rule.
Look like a player
Smooth strides, uniform looks right
So why don't you hit?
I've known you so long:
Closer of future, '06.
Now, high-five Perez.
Short, tossing Texan
You are so dull, Josh Tomlin
Make hitters doze off
Wrists are for hitting
Wrists are not for surgery
Hope wrists are attached
Man that was quick, huh?
Window closed quickly for you
Say hi to Jordan
Geez, you're likable
Hope you can pitch as well as
you can write a tweet
You have a new 'do.
If you hit enough-NL!
Keep your wheels, you'll last
Walk proud, Jordan Brown
You played in the majors
More than most, for sure
Front of the first five
You are what did not happen
Killing earthworms, still
Hurt hip, they told us.
Crown Prince of a barren farm?
Can you till our fields?
We'll need your I-9
Also, a copy of your passport
You'll start on beer sales
No longer a solider
In the future near or far
Baseball pays sometimes
Low budget horror:
The Shoulder That Ate Cleveland
Will the lights come on?
Full speed workouts, soon
Run like the wind, former star
Run back to the past
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Don’t Marte on me
SSS, to be sure, but Andy’s carrying an OPS of 1.167 for Pittsburgh this spring.
by ken from alexandria on Mar 14, 2011 12:01 PM EDT reply actions
This is the second time I’ve seen Carlos Santana compared to Albert Belle, which is crazy. Belle had a career OPS+ of 143. If you’re expecting that from Santana, you’re going to be disappointed. Carlos started hot last year, but he’s nowhere near the hitter Belle was.
Belle was not much of a hitter through his age-25 season. He turned 26 in August 1992, and by the end of that season, he had a 793 OPS (and 119 OPS+) in 347 games.
Santana is likely to surpass those numbers, and extremely unlikely to surpass what Belle did after that point, a 150 OPS+ over about 1200 games.
Having said that, Santana is (we think) a plus-defender at a premium position, i.e., far more valuable than Belle in every other way. If Santana is a league-average hitter, he’s going to match Belle’s early-career three-WAR type of production, and if he reaches his potential as a hitter, he’ll put up 5.5 WAR seasons that typified the heart of Belle’s career.
Victor put up two seasons of that caliber, and while Santana will be lucky to have Victor’s career overall — any prospect short of Joe Mauer would be lucky to have Victor’s career — Carlos will surpass Victor as a defender, probably as a power hitter, and most definitely as a baserunner.
Santana is likely to surpass those numbers, and extremely unlikely to surpass what Belle did after that point, a 150 OPS+ over about 1200 games.
Didn’t make this point strongly enough. It is extremely unlikely that Santana will even remotely approach those numbers, and the larger point is only that he can be a great player without remotely approaching Belle’s resume as a hitter.
…he can be a great player without remotely approaching Belle’s resume as a hitter.
Absolutely. But I see no reason to expect Santana to OPS .793 in his first 347 games. How do you determine his potential as a hitter? How do you determine he’s a power hitter? His minor league slugging percentage is .499.
My point is that he shouldn’t be compared to a player who was one of the great righthanded power hitters of the past 50 years. He’s a catcher, and he ain’t going to hit like Albert Belle. He might not even hit as well as Joey Belle.
Not so sure about the plus-defender stuff. Based on a few plays last season—including his season-ending play—he’s not particularly instinctive as a catcher. And, as for being a better baserunner than Victor, he won’t be after a few more knee surgeries.
It will take more than that. Every major leaguer is a better baserunner than Victor, until Wedge rehires Garko.
I determine his potential by reading what the scouts have to say and analyzing his minor league stats. In that order.
What’s the major league equivalency of a .499 slugging percentage? I know it’s good, but it’s unrealistic to expect Santana to be a premier hitter. He will, plausibly, be a premier-hitting catcher, but that’s a different beast than being a pure hitter of the first order.
Mike Redmond has retired, right?
This .499 business is another little piece of obfuscation.
Recent slugging:
Last 1 year: .597 slugging, .281 ISO, 196 AB
Last 2 years: .551 slugging, .253 ISO, 624 AB
Last 3 years: .558 slugging, .246 ISO, 1096 AB
There isn’t any study that says it’s helpful to look beyond that last three years to project future performance (unless it would replace an insignificant dataset with a significant one, which is not the case here).
There isn’t any scout nor any stat nerd who is looking at this guy and seeing a .499 minor league slugging average. It’s just you.
Anyone who looks at Baseball Reference would see that. If you’re telling me it doesn’t matter, that’s a different story.
I apologize for drawing an Albert Belle comparison. In a haiku.
This is happening?
by afh4 on Mar 17, 2011 12:56 AM EDT via mobile up reply actions 1 recs
I don’t blame Spidey, I blame Santana. Albert, age 24: 863 OPS/134 OPS+. Carlos, age 24: 868 OPS/144 OPS+.
And Carlos’ SA is 559 for his ages 22-23-24 minor league seasons, which is probably of greater relevance than the 406 SA he compiled at ages 19-20-21.
The kid swings a mean stick.
by YoDaddyWags on Mar 17, 2011 10:09 AM EDT up reply actions
Santana swings a mean stick, but he ain’t Albert Belle. Albert’s age 24 season: 123 games, 496 plate appearances, 31 doubles, 28 homers. Carlos’: 46 games, 192 plate appearances, 13 doubles and six homers.
Alright!
All current Indians and Indians prospects are not as good as, nor will ever be as good as, Hall of Famers and other elite superstars.
Can we move on, now? It’s a freaking haiku. Josh Tomlin will never actually be able to make hitters fall asleep either.
yeah, it really does hurt. enjoy spending more time arguing with what, let’s face it, is a troll. LITERALLY invented this Belle vs. Santana argument to be the “voice of reason” and stir crap up.
Stir crap up? Let’s face it—I’m a troll! You’’re right, Brick. You’re so astute. You’re almost as witty as you are astute. Why is it okay for you to call people names?
I think that comment was classic trolling, by reflex at this point, seemingly.
You plucked out of a haiku, an insinuation that lots fans expected Santana to be Albert Belle and made sure to advise them how disappointed they’d be.
Not only are you capable of identifying me remotely, you have now attempted to define my reflexes.
After reading the defenses of Carlos Santana herein, there does seem to be some belief that he will be the offensive equivalent of Belle. When I question this, I am told I’m ruining everyone’s fun, everyone’s willingness to disbelieve.
I cited two examples of Belle-Santana comparison. This one is invalid because it’s a haiku? We’re just having fun? Say what?
That’s fine. But calling me a troll is not. I’m less of a troll in this instance than you are. You haven’t been around these parts for a while and you come back to tell me I’m not a real fan?
Shades of Albert Belle. Shades. Shadows, hints, reminders, Indications, suggestions, vestiges of Albert Jojuan. And FO economics dictate a phenom on a bad team isn’t going to collect 500 PAs in his rookie campaign.
Not sure what you mean by that last point. The bigger issue is that he’s a star catcher coming off a knee injury, that’s why you might limit his playing time. We have a clear precedent as to how this club deals with star catchers, and that is, they attempt use up their playing careers entirely.
Just that Santana could have come up a month earlier if the FO didn’t have to worry about Super-2 status; the point being that his raw numbers weren’t going to match Jojuan’s in their respective age 24 campaigns.
Ok?
Is it really that weird that during the offseason, two comments have been made about how the Indians best player, recently graduates from uberprospect status, who put up gigantic offensive numbers over the last two years at every level, is being compared to one of the Indians best players ever?
Additionally, I think Spidey and I most be Drawing an unnuanced comparison of the way Belle and Santana hit, not just the results. They both swing hard and angry to my untrained eyes, and that’s fun to watch.
by afh4 on Mar 17, 2011 12:23 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
Fun to watch? When are you going to take off those rose-colored glasses and be a real fan and find a way to be miserable about everything?
So miserable fans are not real fans? Real fans must be approved by Brick, and follow his approved Weltanschauung?
Hey, there’s kids here, you can’t just go waving that thing around.
by Jay on Mar 17, 2011 2:07 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
fa·nat·ic
marked by excessive enthusiasm and often intense uncritical devotion.
Fans like and enjoy baseball.
It seems I recall you (rightly) taking exception when Chuck questioned your fanaticism. Why is it okay for you to tell me I’m not a fan?
Chuck said I was fair weather. Ironically, what irks me is the opposite, finding the negative and contrarian in everything that has to do with or is said about this team. I advocate for “excessive enthusiasm”
Good for you. Enthuse as much as you want. I am sorry you are irked, but frankly I need neither your approval nor your imprimatur. I’ve been an Indians fan for a long time, and that isn’t for you to adjudicate.
eh, you’re right. frankly, I do need to stay away. i know for a fact i’m not the only one this kind attitude chased away, and i suspect i won’t be the last.
And what kind of attitude is that? Anyone who disagrees with your excessive enthusiasm? That would make for an interesting forum. Everyone could just write: “You’re right, brick. You’re so smart.”
We are almost talking about two completely different games of baseball here.
What happened in the 90s is not likely to be replicated anytime soon.
Expectations must be tempered to reflect the newer realities.
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