Realities In Which Power Rankings Matter

LOS ANGELES OF ANAHEIM, CA—As a consensus Top 10 Most Powerful Power Team, determined by the power rankings at NBC SportsMLB.com, and ESPN, the Cleveland Indians are now authorized to select any player from a lower ranked team to be added to the Indians roster for the upcoming week. After a team vote, the current Cleveland Indians chose to add Manny Ramirez to the roster. Ramirez will not be eligible to play until long after the Indians' week-long acquisition has ended.

LOS ANGELES OF ANAHEIM, CA—Since the Indians are a consensus Top 10 Most Powerful Power Team, as determined by the power rankings at NBC SportsMLB.com, and ESPN, no member of the Indians roster can be charged with a non-capital crime, as long as said crime is performed inside of an Outback Steakhouse. "Awesome," said Indians right fielder Shelley Duncan, just before initiating a loud phone conversation about stealing the patent for the Bloomin' Onion.

LOS ANGELES OF ANAHEIM, CA—As a consensus Top 10 Most Powerful Power Team, as determined by the power rankings at NBC SportsMLB.com, and ESPN, the Cleveland Indians are now authorized to open and operate one charter school in Northern Ohio. Team president Mark Shapiro said the team was "unsure what direction we'll go in" but that they were investigating "hybrid models that involved online learning." 

 

LOS ANGELES OF ANAHEIM, CA—Since the Indians are a consensus Top 10 Most Powerful Power Team, as determined by the power rankings at NBC SportsMLB.com, and ESPN, each member of the Cleveland nine will be allowed five extra minutes of phone time this week. A player who asked to remain unnamed was giddy with excitement, explaining that he was "way into adult phone chat." 

LOS ANGELES OF ANAHEIM, CA—Since the Indians are a consensus  Top 10 Most Powerful Power Team, as determined by the power rankings at NBC SportsMLB.com, and ESPN, one member of Cleveland's active roster can practice law in a state of his choosing this week. After some debate in the clubhouse, the team has chosen catcher Carlos Santana as "lawyer for the week." Travis Hafner explained the choice by saying, "We all thought it'd be funny to see Carlos wear a suit and hold a gavel."

LOS ANGELES OF ANAHEIM, CA—Since the Indians are a consensus  Top 10 Most Powerful Power Team, as determined by the power rankings at NBC SportsMLB.com, and ESPN, team officials are now allowed to forget one thing ever happened. With no deliberation, and before general manager Chris Antonetti could speak, team president Mark Shapiro blurted "Garko in the outfield!"

LOS ANGELES OF ANAHEIM, CA—Since the Indians are a consensus  Top 10 Most Powerful Power Team, as determined by the power rankings at NBC SportsMLB.com, and ESPN, every member of Cleveland's active roster will be allowed to do anything they want with either the Stanley Cup or the Larry O'Brien Trophy for one hour this week.

LOS ANGELES OF ANAHEIM, CA—As a consensus  Top 10 Most Powerful Power Team, as determined by the power rankings at NBC SportsMLB.com, and ESPN, the Cleveland Indians will get to have the nice coffee in the locker room this week, not that bad stuff they have been putting out the last couple of years. 

LOS ANGELES OF ANAHEIM, CA—As a consensus  Top 10 Most Powerful Power Team, as determined by the power rankings at NBC SportsMLB.com, and ESPN, the Cleveland Indians will not have to pay postage on any mail sent through the United States Postal Service this week. Reliever Jensen Lewis could hardly contain his excitement, texting one reporter to say, "This is great, I can finally ship the rest of my stuff to Columbus!" After Lewis was informed that he was not eligible for the discount, as he was not a current member of the  Top 10 Most Powerful Power Indians team, he did not text back. 

LOS ANGELES OF ANAHEIM, CA—As a consensus  Top 10 Most Powerful Power Team, as determined by the power rankings at NBC SportsMLB.com, and ESPN, the Cleveland Indians are now authorized to annul marriages, as written in the Book of Kells. Team spokesperson Justin Masterson said that the team would be taking the responsibility seriously and deciding on annulments by vote. As Masterson finished speaking, his teammates announced that they had voted 24-0 to annul Paul Byrd's marriage and then fell into a fit of giggles. 

LOS ANGELES OF ANAHEIM, CA—As a consensus  Top 10 Most Powerful Power Team, as determined by the power rankings at NBC SportsMLB.com, and ESPN, the Cleveland Indians have been given $15 million dollars in venture capital that they are required to invest in startups. The clubhouse was abuzz with possibilities, ranging from "food trucks", as suggested by shortstop Adam Everett to "hydroponic farming," an idea from reliever Vinnie Pestano

LOS ANGELES OF ANAHEIM, CA—Since the Indians are a consensus  Top 10 Most Powerful Power Team, as determined by the power rankings at NBC SportsMLB.com, and ESPN, no member of the active roster can be forced to wear pants at any time in the upcoming week, including during game action. Most players seemed uninterested in exercising their new right but closer Chris Perez said he'd "consider it, depending on the weather and how my cleats look without pants and stuff." 

LOS ANGELES OF ANAHEIM, CA—As a consensus  Top 10 Most Powerful Power Team, as determined by the power rankings at NBC SportsMLB.com, and ESPN, the Cleveland Indians were provided with 25 full color certificates to present to their players, each signed by commissioner Bud Selig and celebrity chef Mario Batali. When presented with his, Lou Marson quietly began to cry.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Let's Go Tribe

You must be a member of Let's Go Tribe to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Let's Go Tribe. You should read them.

Join Let's Go Tribe

You must be a member of Let's Go Tribe to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Let's Go Tribe. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker