An Ode to 2011

With apologies to Ogden Nash, YoDaddyWags, Jay, Ryan, Andrew, Adam, the English language, all languages from which English is derived, and people who love good poetry:

A is for awesome, Asdrubal's new power
From a homer a month to one every hour
"How can this be?" the skeptics are yelping
Just look at his name: Ba'al must be helping

B is for boo-boos and bruises and bumps
Can't finish a season without taking some lumps
The pitching staff's thin and in need of some filler
Does that mean it's time to promote Adam Miller?

C is for Choo, whose numbers are dipping
Probably due to the drinks he's been sipping
His pockets will suffer for his intoxication
When we bring up his numbers for this year's arbitration

The Rule Four Draft represents letter D
A yearly investment that works well for me
We salivate over a fresh crop of youth
Who will probably get injured, to tell you the truth

E is for errors, which are swiftly declining
Thanks to our infield defense's refining
The same can't be said for the outfield, though
They can't seem to make a catchable throw

"F you, Keith Law," Phil likes to shout,
"How dare you dismiss us and rule us out?"
I'm sure Keith is smarting from the internet's chiding
But he does have a point, we seem to be sliding

(Still, F that guy)

G is for Grady, he's finally back!
With the hitting approach of "See ball; attack!"
This may be exciting for the ladies who stalk him
But I wish he would let just a few pitchers walk him

H is for Hannahan, who releases the rhino
His hitting is spotty, but his glove work is fine-o
Opponents must hate him, but that's not his fault-a
He removes the option of a bunt towards Peralta

I is like 1 in numerals Roman
Its inclusion here stands as an omen
The Central is suddenly more of a race
But remember, our Tribe still stands in first place

J is for Jay, and we're just his minions
We sit in the dark and repeat his opinions
If this strikes you as intellectually weak
I guess your existence must surely be bleak

K is for strikeout, which doesn't make sense
A letter amidst the word it represents
Nevertheless, with Tim Belcher's backing
Our pitcher's opponents are quickly sent packing

L is for love, and I love the Tribe
Though their performance occasionally makes me imbibe
I shudder to think that a less kindly stork
Could have dropped me in Chi Town or - worse yet - New York

M is for Mills, whose selection was daft
And symbolic of all that went wrong in the draft
Trades alone can't restock the system
Bavasi is gone, and Shapiro sure missed 'im

N is for Nash, Ogden, not Steve
A poet whose place I don't deign to relieve
If he questions this work from his home in the sky
A simple "I'm sorry" is my only reply

O is for old, and Orlando Cabrera
A shortstop with knees from the dinosaur era
He leads, he's intagible, but try as he might
He can't get to a ball to his left or his right

P is for player, who is to be named later
Usually a throw-in, but for us often greater
The most interesting part of a Shapiro trade
Is usually anonymous when the deal is made

Q is a really tough letter to rhyme
I really didn't give it an effort this time
Here in its place are four lines of babble
There's a reason it's a valuable letter in Scrabble

Actually, wait, I'm better than that
The Tribe doesn't quit in their last at bat
So Q is for quit and last at-bat scenes
Though we can't quite agree on what that term means

R is for rifle, like Shin's throwing arm
Runners attempt to advance at their harm
The affront to his talents leaves him quite pissed
And the offending baserunner is quickly dismissed

S is for Shelley, a big goofy dude
A left-handed pitcher puts him in the mood
Unfortunately, righties can keep him at bay
Which is why he is currently in triple-A

T is for Tomlin, whose style is aggressive
For a guy with his stuff, his success is excessive
He safely got through his injury nexus
But refutes the idea that they're bigger in Texas

U represents our underdog status
Preseason predictions thought they all had us
We've shown we can compete with Illitch's wealth
If the Lord would grant Hafner a little more health

V is for Vinnies, Pestano, Mazzaro
Reliever today, not the starter tomorrow
One comes on quickly to stop all the bleeding
The other stays on to absorb the whole beating

W is "What if?" a marketing ploy
That has brought to this site a measure of joy
I know for my part I started believing
Well before Carlos' grand slam was leaving

X is a factor that's frankly quite random
But often determines the mood of our fandom
Luck rarely breaks in Cleveland's direction
If it has done so recently, it escaped my detection

Y is for yell, which I do when we're playing
Mostly because of what Manning is saying
And I know as a man that he likes to have sex
But did he have to pick the one girl that was Eck's?

Z is for zero, our pitchers can boast
A frequent goose egg for the scoreboard to post
It's less exciting in games when we've tanked
To watch them go up as our hitters get blanked


And a final apology to those who read that whole thing. You must not be any more busy today than I am.