In Which Asdrubal and Carlos Argue

by afh4 on Aug 12, 2011 2:38 PM EDT in Humor

[In Spanish]

ASDRUBAL

You have to catch that ball! You're playing first base today—it's the easiest position! This is important!

CARLOS

C'mon, man! I'm not a real first baseman—everyone know it's super easy, sure, but I'm only there because I can hit enough for it! I'm a catcher!

ASDRUBAL

Yeah, OK. But, still—it's not like we have anyone else who can play first base and hit! So you've got to hit and play first base as well as you can!

CARLOS!

Alright, yeah, I'll try but—c'mon, man—you and I are basically the only ones who can hit, and we play the hardest positions! And then I have to play this whole other stupid position!

ASDRUBAL

It's first! It's easy!

CARLOS

Hell, shouldn't we have a first basemen who can hit the ball hard and play this position for babies?!? I'm concentrating on scouting reports and gameplans for when I'm behind the dish—can't we find some rando to stand over there and hit? Have you ever seen a photo of Boog Powell?

ASDRUBAL

Yeah, point taken, got it! Even if it's really easy, it's not like it's simple to play it when you weren't trained for it! It's like, we'd both obviously be pretty good long haul truck drivers—

CARLOS

HECK YEAH, I'D BE AWESOME AT THAT!

ASDRUBAL

Sure—we're athletic, have good eyesight, are good with directions, all that, but right now, today, we're probably not as good as some dude who's been doing it for a decade.

CARLOS

That's what I'm saying!

ASDRUBAL

But, you have to play it—we don't have any big fat Boog Powell guy!

CARLOS

IT'S A BABY POSITION! I DON'T HAVE TIME TO LEARN IT!

ASDRUBAL

CATCH THE BALL, CARLOS!

CARLOS

Ok, yeah—I'll try to catch the damn ball and all that!

ASDRUBAL

And keep hitting!

CARLOS

And I promise I'll hit! I'll hit! I just don't understand why we can't find some huge dude, like another Fielder brother or whatever, who can swing the bat and stand at first and catch the ball—

ASDRUBAL

Where are we going to find a first basemen at this point?!

CARLOS

—is that so much to ask? We don't have anyone who can just stand there and hit a homerun every once in a while? I have to catch, hit homeruns, and learn to play first?!? Whatever happened to that Jordan guy? The redheaded one?

ASDRUBAL

Whatever, Carlos. This is the team we have. Just catch the ball.

[ASDRUBAL walks away. CARLOS sits down.]