Soylent Green is People: 7/19

Get it? Because it's green. - USA TODAY Sports

This ain't a green, it's an arms race

In honor of there barely being any real baseball, this is barely going to be a real Soylent post. I was hoping to be working as studio talent for the MLB Network by now, but they still haven't called me.

Wait… WHAT?! … … checks schedule on MLB.com … … NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sorry. Let's start out by making you guys guess what I look like in real life.

Like this?

Um, no. Not at all.
Also no.

Also no, and that doesn't really make any sense.

THE WHOLE OAKLAND FARM SYSTEM

Now you're just being ridiculous. Also, you've probably noticed this doesn't look as green as previous Soylent posts. I'm sincerely sorry for that; the only browser I have ever found that allowed that format is being shut down (RIP, Rockmelt) and is generally too unstable to use now. Like Henry Jekyll trying to track down the proper trace impurity, I keep looking for another browser that does that. I'm not optimistic, but then, neither was he and it still worked out for him.

nope, you’re wrong.

Oh. I guess I need to get a better grasp on Jekyll and Hyde.

Enough about your pet names for body parts.

First of all, gross. Second, let's focus on something else, like what I look like or who Jekyll and Hyde were/was.

You seem like an angry guy man. I’d give the crusade a rest.

I just think we should know the difference between two famous literary characters and the slang terms I use for the current tenants of my scrotum.

why do you refuse to comment on Kozma?

I... I don't. We can talk about Kozma if you'd like.
No, I'm fairly sure they're almost completely opposite players. Is there any way we can prove this?

The key is spreadsheets.

I'm on board with this line of thought. Let's fire up Excel or Open Office, punch in a bunch of arcane formulas, and start plugging in stats.

When does the real baseball start again? This is boring.

Total killjoy. Is there any way I can get you interested in this?

Analysis from the future!
by woodsmeister on Jul 13, 2013 | 9:58 PM up reply rec (3) flag

I'll be honest, that's probably not going to happen. Enough about me, though. Let's get to this edition's green of the week.

I don't know what the heck that is, and I can see why some of you may have been underwhelmed by it, but I like it. Here's the rest of the week in green.

What’s greener than being green? Ice green?

"So what I’m trying to say is that it isn’t about the size of your pitch count, it is the what you do with them!"

That was probably the topic of his second date with the girlfriend.

Joke’s on you; my wife’s not even a vegan.
by Joel D on Jul 17, 2013 | 12:24 PM up reply 4 recs flag

DOROTHY BURBA IS A SAINT!

We may never figure out if it’s worth it to trade Asdrubal, but I’ll be damned if we don’t end up solving some societal problems in the process.

I do too. I’m working on a whitepaper about the usage of the words "sucks" and "dumb" in everyday business transactions.

Many of those who attend are also not all there.

Don’t try to argue that it’s sabermetric snobbery to point out something that is factually incorrect. I also don’t have to respect the opinion of someone who insists the Earth is flat even if they are a fan of geography.

i’m the king of the double negative and didn’t not have to read this three times to make sure i was reading it right.

We ain’t selling jeans here.

I wonder what that’s like.

Gosling strikes out a hell of a lot less often.

can’t have this getting out of hand like ‘extent’ vs. ‘degree’.

Not to mention 3-time People Magazine’s Most Beautiful People list.

This is another example of you getting way too worked up about someone else caring about something you don’t care about.
by Jason Lukehart on Jul 15, 2013 | 10:31 AM up reply rec (20)

Not one punchbowl undefiled, eh Cols?

I'm really not thrilled with this new format, but such is life. Is there anything worse than the jarring shift from something going smoothly when there is change for no reason?
Ugh, good point. See you all next week.
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