Soylent Green is People: 8/30

Exactly one Indian had a reason to smile in Atlanta. - Scott Cunningham

The grass is never greener in Cleveland.

I have missed this terribly.

Me too. It's the start of another weekend, and I - for one - am looking forward to some Tribe wins.

These are real things?

Well... not lately, if we're honest. Wishing, perhaps, will make it so though. At least you can take solace in the fact that it's still me here at the helm of Soylent Green.

WHY DIDN’T YOU BRING IN SOMEONE THAT WOULD IMPROVE IT? YOU FAILED AT THE DEADLINE!

I actually feel like I have things under control on this front. I really only had one offer, anyway, and it didn't seem reputable.

Probably a scam originating in Nigeria. I’ll get out my checkbook.

That was my thought, except not the check thing. Anyway, the whole thing just didn't pass the sniff test.

But that was because you had just spent two and half hours on the can.

Well, I mean -

You should get out more.

If the 2.5 hours number is correct, you're probably right. Anyway, how could this not be the green of the week?

We deal in BTUs here in America, son so don’t mix your unit types.

In order to get the maximum heat value – just like any honest-to-god engineer would – I’m taking my money out in singles, so all ready we’ve increased the heat value by a hundred.

That’s 8k BTU’s per pound X 22,000lbs X5 = right at 900M BTUs from Sizemore’s cash. You need about 50 BTU’s per square foot per day to heat a house in Cleveland in the winter. Figure a 3,000 square foot office. So that’s 400 winter heating days from the Sizemore money. You can get another 150 days from the Myers cash.

Much better off installing a dollar bill burning furnace down at Carnegie and Ontario than paying either one of those bums.

by mauichuck on Aug 29, 2013 | 7:28 PM

It combines honest-to-goodness engineering, an impressively broad base of knowledge, more than a dash of wry humor, and the aggressive cynicism we've all come to expect from Chuck from time to time. I loved it, and I'm the only voting member on the green of the week panel. Here's the rest of the week in recs.

This team now employs an Ubie, a Klubie, and a Kubie.

If you’ve got Chuck making points in favor of Shapiro et al., you’ve really said something ridiculous.

This is going to be one long black box that ideally would be filled with every swear known to man since Harvey is on both of my fantasy teams, which are competing for the title and are keeper leagues.

I have a broken arm and a cute niece, does that count?

No pressure, but I hold you completely responsible for tonight’s outcome.

"will not."
"less."

You make it painful for people to even agree with you.

His dad but only if he plans far enough ahead and can get tickets for what he considers a reasonable price.

Plug for Evan's book if you're into wine/words:

Dude, when I went home two weekends ago, my mom was reading Summer in a Glass!

Buy it now at reputable booksellers the world around or on the internet. Back to your regularly scheduled Soylent, already in progress:

And that impacts me how? LET ME FEEL MY FEELINGS, GUYS!

I can’t believe I used to let Chuck bother me.

This is some pathological s*** right here.

Bobby Bonilla: Financial mastermind

Why do we refuse to discuss Hank and Marie Schrader?

Keep your chin up, Scoops.

Headline should be: “Awfuller Twins pick up awful Indians”

That's as good a place to end as any. I'm glad we could wrap this up without courting the petty, rehashed arguments that prevailed through the week.

Shapiro’s still wasn’t a very good Indians GM.

Thanks, Chuck.

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