Terry Ryan to Bill Smith: "I thought the Indians were supposed to be smart!"
Dave Dombrowski to Mike Ilitch: "You might get to see us win a championship after all."
Rick Hahn to Kenny Williams: "YESSSSSS!!"
Frank Wren to John Schuerholz: "I thought the Indians were supposed to be smart!"
Jed Hoyer to Theo Epstein: "Wait, they did what?!"
Brian Cashman to CC Sabathia: "So their MLBPA player rep came to them with a discounted proposal and they said no!..."
Sandy Alderson to Omar Minaya: "I thought the Indians were supposed to be smart!"
John Mozeliak to The St. Louis Post-Dispatch: "That's okay, every team has AA and AAA rotations full of future aces, it's not just us."
Joe Torre to Bud Selig: "Bud, wake up! You've got to see this."
Bill Bavasi to Walt Jocketty: "I think we should trade Joey Votto, Mike Leake and Tony Cingrani to Cleveland for this Masterson fellow."
Neal Huntington to the team's Navy SEAL trainer: "Other reporters are saying the same thing? ... What about Hoynes?"
Billy Beane to the Oakland Tribune: "See, we're willing to spend more than some teams!"
Rubén Amaro to The Philadelphia Inquirer: "That's a good move. He's not old enough to be useful."
Dayton Moore to anyone who will listen: "Here in Kansas City, we have a plan."
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*In case it's not clear, none of these quotes are real. Please don't sue me for defamation.